Page 23 of The Doctor

I cursed my erection.

I cursed myself.

I cursed Clara, for being the one thing I couldn’t control.

8

Clara

It wasn’t enough.

Jayden was screwing with me when he said he’d given me a week’s supply. It wasn’t even close. It wasn’t even the right thing! I frantically tapped out a text message to him as I threw on my clothes, cursing him and telling him he better make it right.

He took all my cash. I had nothing else.

It wasn’t like I was my brother, with my own major source of income.

It wasn’t like my parents would just hand me loads of cash without demanding answers I couldn’t afford to give.

I was grasping at straws, desperate for the one thing other than Zeno I allowed myself to get addicted to.

Close to tears, I yanked my hair up into a messy bun, then grabbed my phone from the bed. Jayden’s response had those tears dripping down my cheeks.

Jay: Oops. Guess you should have knelt between my legs.

Me: Give me my money back or give me what I paid for.

Jay: Let me taste your pussy or you get nothing at all.

A cry burst from my lungs, even as I tried to smother it in my palm.

There was nothing I could do. It’s not like I could go to Stephano and tell him his friend—my dealer—screwed me out of the pills I needed just to survive. It’s not like I could tell Zeno or my parents.

What would they think?

It was bad enough I was the way I was. Add to that the fact that I was buying drugs from a dealer so I could focus long enough to read a single paragraph in a book? So I wouldn’t peel my skin from my body when my mind started playing tricks on me?

What would they think if they knew?

They’d hate me more than they already did.

Me: That’s not an option. You got my money. Don’t make me tell Stephano.

It was an empty threat, because really, Stephano wouldn’t care. He’d blamed me when his friend assaulted me. He’d hated me from the day I was born. What would he care if Jayden kept the roll of cash I’d been able to earn over the last summer semester? He was just as likely to laugh in my face as he was to question how I’d come to have the money in the first place.

I couldn’t tell him that, either.

With classes not in session, it’s not like I could earn more.

After ten minutes of waiting for a response and getting nothing, I wiped the tears from my eyes, took two of the pills Jayden had given me, and hurried downstairs to the kitchen. I’d heard the water turn off in Zee’s bathroom upstairs before I left my room, and I knew I didn’t have much time before he’d be there, demanding things from me I was certain I couldn’t do.

Zee came sauntering into the kitchen just as I finished my tepid coffee and a slice of toast. I’d only scarfed it down in order to fend off the inevitable nausea that would surely settle in from taking the pills on an empty stomach. The moment my eyes met his, I was torn between racing to him and crying into his arms or confessing everything I’d ever done wrong.

Neither of those were an option.

Neither of those would paint me in a good light.

“You ready, kid?”