Page 51 of The Doctor

Almost, but not quite.

“Birth control.” I locked my eyes on his when I said it, and I couldn’t have missed his flinch if I tried. His mouth worked like he was trying to bite his tongue before he finally gave me a response.

“You’re on the pill?”

A huff of breath left me, and I rolled my eyes. “Duh.”

“Since when?”

“Since I was thirteen.”

“Why?” Zee grabbed my arm as I tried to walk past him, pulling me back to face him.

I shifted uneasily. Crossed one arm over my middle. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “My periods were all messed up. I was bleeding twenty-one days a month.”

“Are you sexually active?”

That same hurt I’d felt the past few weeks pummeled my chest. I lifted my chin, locked eyes with him, and told him, “No. I’m not.”

He flinched again, though this time he raised his palms to his face, scrubbing as if he could wipe away images of what we’d done last night. “Who gave you the pills?”

“My doctor.”

“I am your doctor!” This time, it was me who flinched, Zee’s loud voice blaring in my ears.

I shied away from his clenched fists. “My gynecologist,” I told him, voice starting to shake. “Mom brought me to him after she found out.”

Zee turned from me, though spun back just as quick. “It’s a man?”

“Yes,” I squeaked out.

“She brought you to some stranger? She let some stranger look at your—” He dragged his hands down his face again. “Why, Clara? Why would she do that?”

His anger frightened me, and I did the only thing I could to relieve my fear. I mimicked my mother’s voice, the same way I had each time I’d wanted to skip school and I called my school’s secretary to let her know little Clara was sick. “You don’t have to have dinner with your OB, Clara.” I shook my fist with one finger raised, just like she had when she’d said it. “You don’t have to stare at him while you’re eating, knowing the whole time he’s been between your legs, staring at your pussy.”

Zee’s eyes widened and it seemed every muscle in his body froze. For a long minute, he didn’t say anything, and I feared what I’d done was wrong. But then the tiniest huff of a breath left him, and his face broke into a smile, only for him to fight to tame it before losing the battle completely.

“She said that?” he asked, peeking up at me after he’d had a good laugh.

I side-eyed him, completely lost. “Yeah.” It came out like a question.

“Holy fuck.” He thrust his hand into his hair, stared up at the ceiling before dropping his gaze to me. “It all makes sense now.”

“I’m glad someone knows what the fuck is going on.”

Zee’s gaze zipped to mine, and I could almost hear his reprimand on his lips. He stopped himself, swallowed hard, and nodded once. “I always thought your mother hated me. She wouldn’t look at me, not after I delivered you.” He reached for me, cupping my cheek with his big palm, and for a moment, I got lost there in his gaze.

“She was embarrassed,” I told him, putting it all together and trying not to lose myself.

Zee’s other hand came up, and he gripped my face. I wasn’t sure if he meant to or not, but there was a pull there I couldn’t ignore. A stretching of my neck as his hands tightened, like he was trying to straighten my spine. Like, maybe, he was trying to bring his mouth to mine.

How I wanted him to kiss me. I waited for it, like a fool. Because hadn’t he already taught me that I wasn’t enough for him?

He closed his eyes and tilted his head away, letting go of me little by little, until my heels rested on the floor and I was at no risk of toppling over. He swiped his thumbs along the sides of my lips as he looked at me once more.

“Do you want some more stories?”

My brow pinched. “I don’t understand.”