Page 14 of We’re All Going to Die Tonight!

Laughing at me has consequences, and it’s time everyone learns that lesson.

Chapter 8

Kaitlyn

October 17

12:16 a.m.

I have to hand it to Emerson. I thought being a douchebag nepo baby was his only talent, but apparently, he can also easily fill the role of racist prick and grade A vibe killer.

I half expect him to hide for the rest of the night, but he reappears wearing a navy blue cardigan and with Javi in tow. I know Avery was probably shitting herself with worry that Javi went upstairs to lay Emerson’s ass out, but I know Javi’s too smart for that. In fact, as Javi walks back into the room and plops down next to me, he seems to be in a better mood than when he left.

“Did you two patch things up and make each other friendship bracelets?” I ask him after pecking him on the cheek. “Give each other matching flash tattoos, maybe?”

Javi rolls his eyes. “No, but—”

“All right, guys,” says another voice, one that grates as opposed to how Javi’s soothes. “I think there’s been enough excitement for the night. Time for bed.”

Apparently, Emerson wasn’t the only trash that Javi brought with him from upstairs. Jay is there standing next to him, and he’s actually trying to cosplay as a teacher right now. How precious.

“I think we’ll stay up,” I tell him. “Not really feeling like bed right now. Are you guys?”

There’s general grumbling. Even Avery’s not leaping to listen to a teacher for once. In fact, she’s acting like Marlene’s sketchbook is the most interesting thing she’s ever seen, refusing to even look at Jay.

Jay sighs. He’s got his sleeves rolled up to show off his shitty tattoos. I can tell he thinks it makes him look like hot shit, but really, I’ve seen kindergartners with better artistic talent than whoever did his ink.

“I’m serious,” he says. “Don’t make me—”

“Get Mommy and Daddy?” I shoot back at him. “Go on. Wake them up. Tell them you can’t do your job. I’m sure that’ll look good.”

“Kait,” Javi says, his voice low so only I can hear him. It’s a warning. I’m taking this too far and should walk it back. I even open my mouth to do so, but I’m interrupted by someone bounding down the stairs.

“Friends, Romans, countrymen!” Lucas says as he appears, hoisting a trunk above his head like a trophy. “I have returned with some serious treasure.”

He crosses the room to Marlene, sets the trunk on the coffee table, and opens it, displaying its contents for all of us to see.

“Oooh,” Marlene murmurs, peeking inside the trunk. “Are these games?”

“Lucas, man, I told you to leave that upstairs,” Jay starts. “Everyone needs to go to bed.”

“You think I can sleep right now?” Lucas asks. “I’m so hyped up, man. There’s no way. Plus, look at all this.”

Lucas takes out each game and sets them before him so we can see all of our options: Operation, Candy Land, Exploding Kittens, Wingspan, Monopoly (Jurassic Park edition), Guess Who?, and a few decks of cards.

I watch the indecision pass over Jay’s face. He’s new to all this shit, and everyone knows that he has roughly half the power of an actual teacher. Plus, he’s out of capital with Dorman and McCullough asleep. This is a fight he can’t win, and even he sees that.

“Another hour,” he says. “Once time’s up, bed.”

“Yeah, whatever,” I say. “We’ll see about that.”

I meet his eyes. There’s more he wants to say to me, more he would say if we weren’t in a crowd. But eventually, he just sighs and heads upstairs, leaving us alone at last.

“Finally,” I say. “Is there anything in here that isn’t kid shit?”

While I rifle through the rest of the trunk, Lucas and Marlene start up a game of Guess Who? They trade questions, smacking down the plastic people in front of them as I dig.

“Does your person look like they’d join a cult?”