Page 83 of We’re All Going to Die Tonight!

Tock.

Chapter 47

Avery

October 17

3:39 a.m.

I don’t know what to do with Caulder, now that it’s just us in this kitchen. Because now that it’s just us, I can’t stop thinking about the shock of falling on top of him. Of his warm skin and the cold rain on his jacket and the way he wasn’t sure whether or not to hold on to me…until he was.

And thinking of that moment, I can’t help but think of the other moment. The moment before. The moment when everything fell apart. And I can’t let myself think about that moment. Not right now. Now, I need a clear head. Because it doesn’t matter what Marlene and Kaitlyn said about being so sure about Mr. McCullough…The pieces just don’t fit.

There’s also the question of what happens when the police inevitably arrive. They won’t believe us, a bunch of teenagers, especially if we don’t have a united story. They’ll look for evidence, like that video on Lucas’s phone of me saying I wanted Mr. Jay dead. Caulder must still have it, right? Will he share it? He’ll have to. Maybe they even have resources to recover it if he did delete it. It’s probably on Lucas’s iCloud somewhere. Unless that doesn’t work here because there’s no internet?

Either way, the point is, they’ll look at our stories.

And I don’t think our stories make sense.

I need quiet. I need to be away from Caulder’s steady hazel eyes.

So, I start walking.

I go past the living room, past the couch where Lucas was, past the seven-minutes room, past the hallway where we found Ms. Dorman and Marlene earlier. I wind through the halls until I reach a door I haven’t entered. I remember it from our search earlier. The garage. I turn the knob and let the door swing open to the concrete space. Of everywhere in this entire mansion, this room feels the most normal, most like home, with cabinets mounted along the walls, a washer and dryer—enough space for two cars.

Enough space for me to sit down, to get as close to fresh air as I can without going outside.

I sit down on the ground and listen to the rain resume its pelting of the roof and try to center myself. If my phone weren’t dead, I could write in my Notes app. But it’s a brick, and I left it behind anyway.

So, I continue to force air in and out of my lungs. I try to breathe.

And then I realize I’m not alone, because he followed me in.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m thinking,” I say. And the old me might’ve added, Not that you would recognize the process. But I don’t.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he says. “What happened to being able to watch the entrances?”

“We already caught them,” I say. But there’s no conviction in my voice. Why isn’t there any conviction in my voice?

“You don’t believe that.”

“Don’t tell me what I believe.”

“Jesus, Avery, this is serious,” Caulder snaps. “People have died. And you can’t do this to me, okay?”

“Do what?”

“This hot-and-cold bullshit,” he says, breathing hard. “Yelling at me one second and then tackling me the next.”

My cheeks burn, and I look away. I focus my words on the garage door. “That was…That was just me being glad no one else died. I didn’t—”

“Don’t lie to me. You can tell me to forget what happened all you want, but we both know we kissed.”

I turn around, looking at him standing there over my shoulder. He still seems so certain, so fucking certain, and I realize I want to scream. But I can’t scream, because the others will think the worst is happening.

“Okay fine, we kissed,” I snap. “But then this weekend turned from what I thought was a nightmare to an actual nightmare. So it doesn’t matter that we…that we…None of that matters. We just need to focus on getting out of here alive, okay?”