Page 5 of Mates in Memory

“About you and Uriel? Only since the phone call. In general? For years. It makes sense that some magic crosses through the true-mate link. It makes sense that whoever you’re bonded with would share magic with you and vice versa. Don’t you think we’re curious as to how we started out too? Mated for the Holidays aren’t the only ones who have made it a hobby to try and figure things out. I mean, Xenos can explain all this better than me, but for you it would probably feel like a guided meditation or a trance. It might not even work.”

“Do I get to think about it?” I asked.

“We’re not going to make you do anything. It’s not like that. It’s just something we could do,” Barry said. “I can’t give you a do over with him from his last life. I can’t promise he’s not going to be a monster in this life. I hope he’s not. I hope that he gets whatever he missed out on before. This? This little ritual? This is something Xenos and I can give you.”

“Sometimes I wonder why you two were so different,” I frowned.

“We weren’t. I killed him, didn’t I?” Barry huffed. “Plus, I’d kill someone over Xenos. I would. I don’t know what jumbled up Uriel’s brain, Creon. I don’t know. I keep wondering what would’ve happened if he just came to me and told ---” he stopped himself and took another bite of one of the bars. “That doesn’t get us anywhere. I’m me and he was himself. That’s all there is to it.”

“If I do this, is it just some part of an experiment?” I asked.

“It’s experimental because we don’t know that it’ll work the way Xenos expects. Are we offering it because we want to know?” Barry asked. “No. We’re offering it because you’re family and we’ve watched as you’ve grown into yourself and your life. We don’t want you to lose that because of some reincarnated jackass.”

Barry jumped down and I followed him. Had I been with Kodiak, he’d have caught me. I didn’t need to be caught but the absence of him waiting to catch me around the waist when I jumped made me wonder what the hell I was doing here. I could walk straight back through the Other World gateway and go home. It was what a smart man might’ve done but I needed answers. We didn’t say anything else about the ritual as we walked back to Barry’s house but we both knew I was going to do it. How could I not? Despite what Uriel had been, I had a him-shaped hole inside me just as every person separated from their true-mate had.

Chapter 3

Creon

Night Shade Bear Territory

It was dark inside the house Xenos used for magic work. He’d cleared away all the spirit stuff and put it in the little storage shed behind the house because he worried what wandering spirits might do to disturb our plans. I’d been in Nightshade Bear Territory since the day before. As luck would have it, tonight was the full moon. Not all magic needed the full moon but those of us who were taught magic centuries ago or longer still clung to the moon cycles. This particular full moon was extra convenient as it gave Xenos time to prepare.

While he and Barry worked the night before I stayed up late talking to Kodiak and Silas on the phone. I almost didn’t tell them about the ritual but not saying something felt like cheating on them. It didn’t matter if it happened long before any of us existed in our current form there was a decent chance I’d experience some intimacy in the memories. Those moments might even feel real. So I had to tell them.

“They’re your memories,” Silas was the first to speak after a few beats of silence. “You have every right to see if you can reach them.”

“All that stuff already happened, Creon,” Kodiak added. “Plus, if Uriel was to show up tomorrow…”

“Kodiak, we said we wouldn’t bring that up,” Silas said.

“You’d kill him, right?” I asked.

Neither of them said anything for a long moment. The air over the phone was tense but not in a murderous way.

“Right?” I asked again.

“That would be your call,” Silas finally said. “But if he shows up here tomorrow a totally different person I don’t think we can justify murder. I don’t know that I’d ever trust him and I wouldn’t blame you for sending him away but I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to keep him either.”

“Crystal would give Finn another chance if he were reborn,” Kodiak said and in my mind’s eye I saw him rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Crystal was his ex-girlfriend and his dead brother’s true-mate. He’d dated her briefly before Finn ever met her and had stepped aside like the gentleman he was. He’d never forgiven Finn for some of his mistakes, but he still treated Crystal gently. They’d never have another love affair, but hearts don’t stop loving people because relationships morph. At least not healthy hearts.

I opened my mouth to promise I’d never keep Uriel, but I couldn’t make that oath. Something deep inside me wouldn’t let me. What would I do? I couldn’t leave Kodiak and Silas. I didn’t want to.

“Hey, you might never run into him,” Silas said, trying to sound cheerful. “Let’s not build bridges into empty space.”

Then he changed the subject to talking about the kids and I fell asleep listening to him and Kodiak recounting everything that happened at the festival after I left. That was my life. That was my home. If Uriel ever did find me and he was a changed man, he’d have to make his puzzle piece fit in with ours.

“Earthside to Creon,” Barry said, waving his hand in front of my face. I’d spaced out inside the magic house, but what did they expect? Xenos had arranged several comfortable pads on top of each other and covered me with furs. He had me lay down in the dark as he sprinkled herbs in a circle around me. Sage, lavender, and something soothing. Maybe bergamot. Of course, my mind wandered.

“I’m not asleep,” I yawned.

“It’s okay if you fall asleep once we start. Everyone experiences magic like this differently,” Xenos said.

“How will I know what’s a dream and what’s real?” I asked, fighting off the urge to yawn again.

“In a literal sense, some might argue you won’t and couldn’t possibly,” Xenos said sitting down inside the circle with me. “But there will be clues because we’ll put them there.” He reached up and slid a bracelet made from tiger’s eye beads onto my wrist. “You don’t wear this every day. So it wouldn’t be in a dream, but it would be on you when you astral projected into your own soul because you’re wearing it. Maybe you’ll see me somewhere because I’m guiding you or maybe you’ll smell the herbs.”