Page 100 of Unmasked

She thought my gift was out of love… and I let her believe it. Lies, loss, and love were twisted within me. They were spinning, feeding the monster within, making him more savage and beastly.

Love.

And loss.

And… lies.

So many lies.

Knocking had me looking away from the monitor in my study. I stood, heading for the door, opening it wide as I took in Theodore.

“Come in and sit. I don’t believe you’re supposed to be out of bed. You already spent hours in the Great Hall this morning.”

He headed in, taking a seat in the chair as I shut the door.

“I can’t stay in that room for another second. I’m going crazy.” He paused, his brow creasing as he took in the video footage playing on the monitor.

“I hate that she went.”

My jaw tightened.

“Me too.”

“I suppose she didn’t have a choice.”

“We all have a choice.” I quickly stopped myself at the challenge in Theodore’s raised brows. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m fucking trying here. Do you have any idea what I’m going through right now? How this is… killing me? God dammit. To let Penelope leave… To not follow her and face King Lawrence just to blow out his fucking brains or slice his throat like his family did to mine. I can’t stand it. I start to head for the exit, barely able to stop myself. If I didn’t—If.” Again, I stopped.

“She’s stronger than we are.” Theodore’s gaze left me to look back at the screen. “She just got poisoned a week ago. She miscarried, lost men she felt responsible for, and then, she woke up alone, traveled alone, found out you were arrested and killed a man. She could have died for that… all to save you.” His head shook. “She’s damn stronger than we are—in body and mind.”

“Yes she is.”

I looked over, my frown growing as I took in the seat ahead. She was sitting forward, not even angled towards the king. Their silence spoke volumes, and it was all because of her. She’d shut him down at every opportunity at the beginning of their ride. Maybe he was giving her space. Or maybe he was waiting.

“How are you feeling, Theo?”

He didn’t answer at first, continuing to stare at the monitor.

“Weak. I hate it. I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I hurt.”

“Are you still refusing the medication Lord Oxley prescribed you?”

“For the most part. I take it when the pain gets overwhelming.”

Slowly, I nodded. “I’m sorry this happened to you. It should have been me.”

His lips pursed. “Better me than you.”

“No. Theodore.” Green eyes finally returned to me. “You will have your justice. I know that’s bothering you. We will find out who did this, even if we know who is behind it.”

“Nothing is what we believe. I keep thinking about that. About how my life has been law. It’s all pointless. We’re taught that crimes are punishable. To trust in the system. And to an extent that is true. But then there’s another class of people. The titled. The untouchable. They have their own rules. They’re own laws. To kill comes as easily as breathing. Sacrifice at The Order is a weekly thing. Sometimes multiple times a week. I… I just…” He trailed off.

“Theodore, you almost lost your life. You’re a barrister. It’s normal that you’d suddenly be aware of the significance of things like sacrifice, death, and murder. You’ve undergone something terrifying. I’ve been there, myself. Numerous times.”

“You have?” He rolled his eyes. “Of course you have. You’ve lost everyone you’ve ever been close with. You’ve seen death more than I ever have.”

“With my parents, I was still young. My uncle.” I stopped, taking in a deep breath. “His death really messed me up. I thought about running. Disappearing. But I got my revenge on his killer, and I knew how important it was to him that I continue this path. He died for it. I couldn’t disrespect or ignore that. This life is not for the weak. It is for the worthy, and you, Theodore, are worthy.”

King Lawrence’s voice broke through the room, stopping Theo from speaking.