Page 149 of One Night with Number Nineteen

“I think you’re beautiful too,” I whisper back.

His eyes flare, and he rests his forehead against mine for a moment.

“How wasn’t it hard?”

“I…” His lids slide closed. “I think it actually helped me with what happened with my dad, you know? Like if I was focused on her and what she needed and making sure we didn’t lose the house then I didn’t have to feel…”

I wait, holding my breath.

“Hurt, I guess,” he says softly. “Or miss my dad. Or wish things could be different.”

Leaning closer, I stroke my fingers through his hair.

“But after a while, I started to resent the calls, the texts.” His lids peel back and his mouth tips up slightly at the corners. “Talking to your mom ten times a day kind of puts a crimp in the social life, especially when you think you’ve met the love of your life.”

My lungs spasm.

“I was seventeen, had a pro career looming, and fell for a girl named Erin at the rink. It was typical teenager shit, but oh how I loved her.”

“Yeah?”

“Enough to put a ring on her finger and promise to bring her along with me every step of the way.”

I take his hand. “I’m guessing it didn’t end well?”

“No,” he says softly. “I was called up by a team that was halfway across the country and they wanted me to play that night. I had to go right then, grab my shit, hop on a plane literally within an hour in order to make it for game time.”

“What happened?”

“Mom flipped out. Lost her mind, but for the first time, I didn’t bend over backwards to make sure she was comfortable, to make sure she had everything she needed. I just told her she’d have to deal and went anyway. And I played well.” He pauses, exhaling shakily.

“You don’t have to tell me,” I whisper.

“I do,” he whispers back. “Because it’s why I’ve done what I’ve done for the last decade.” A deep breath. “The game was over, and Coach came in and⁠—”

I hold him tighter.

“—she made the call to 9-1-1 herself. Said she was going to end things. They sent the police over and her house was empty, except for the note. Coach let me come home, let me look for her, and probably it should have cost me my contract, especially since it took me days to find her. But he kept me on and believed in me…so I made sure he wasn’t disappointed.”

“You mean you killed yourself to keep him and your mom happy—and anyone else who entered your orbit.”

“No.” He stops. Exhales. “Yes.”

“Especially after Erin dumped you?”

His gaze flies to mine. “How’d you⁠—”

“That’s where this ends, right? The playboy image, not letting anyone close enough to see the real you. You lost your dad. Then your mom disappeared. And Erin left. So, you did everything you could to make sure no one would.”

“How’d you get so smart, Pages?”

I take his hand, press it to my chest, just over my heart. “Because I did my best to not rely on anyone, to do it all myself, to”—my heart skips a beat, but I think after all he’s shared, he needs to hear me say it out loud—“make it so no one I loved could hurt me again.”

He smiles.

Then stills, rasps, “No one you love?”

Cupping his face in my hands, I say, “I love you, handsome.”