Page 132 of Scarred Crown

“You made a promise to me,” Nick roars. He points at his tattooed finger. “To me. We put each other first. That’s what this means. We don’t let other people wiggle their way between us. That’s what this means.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears stream down my face. “Please, Nick.” I step toward him, but he takes a step back.

“I can’t do this.” His tone is resigned. “I can’t have you here.”

“Nick.” His name is garbled coming out of my mouth.

“Please, Jules. Just go.” His voice cracks. “I can’t take your fucking tears on top of everything else. Just go.”

“Does this mean…” I can’t say the words, and my throat is so clogged with tears it’s hard to breathe. The last time I disappointed him, he snapped our friendship in half. Will he do that to our marriage too?

“Doesn’t mean anything,” Nick mutters, but he won’t meet my gaze. “I don’t want you here right now. I can’t have you here right now.” His gaze connects with mine briefly. “I still love you. I just don’t know how to trust you.”

His comment stings, and I’m too stunned to defend myself. Can I defend myself? What do I say? His father is dying, and I didn’t tell him.

“Okay.” The word is strangled coming out of my lips. “Okay.” All I want to do is cling to him, hug him so tight he’s got no choice but to feel my regret. But there’s enough of the old Nick still in him for me to understand that his anger won’t be gone anytime soon. As much as I don’t want to give him the space, crowding him will only lead to more fights. Worse fights.

In the walk-in closet, I toss things into an overnight bag blindly. If I have to come back for more, I’ll do it when he’s not here.

At the door, I take a deep breath. Maybe he doesn’t want to hear it or acknowledge it, but I need to say it anyway. “I love you, Nick. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

I don’t wait for a response because I’m sure one isn’t coming. Instead, I close the door and try to figure out where I’m going now.

###

Posey opens the door to her modest, but beautifully decorated, apartment in Tucker’s Town and steps back to let me enter. We texted while Kane, one of Alex’s guards, drove me to her house.

“He kicked you out?” Posey shakes her head and leads the way into the living room. “I already texted Brice to get him on Nick’s case. This is bullshit.”

As an interior designer, she has an eye for color schemes and pretty things that I do not possess. I drop my bag in the center of the room. “I lied to him.”

“He’s taking unreasonable to new lows if he doesn’t understand why you didn’t tell him.”

“He’s upset, and he’s blaming me, and while I don’t like it, I understand it.” I use the palms of my hands to wipe the tears that won’t stop falling. Nick’s anger is understandable, I’m terrified we won’t come back from what he sees as a giant betrayal.

“You are a better person than me. If Brent kicked me out of anywhere, he’d be dead to me.” Posey holds up an open bottle of wine from the kitchen doorway. “Drink?”

“Better not. Maybe he’ll call and change his mind.”

Posey snorts. “He should arrive here begging for you to forgive him for overreacting. But Nick is stubborn, so that’s not happening tonight. Might as well drink.” She pours me a glass.

I toy with my ring finger and trace the lines of Nick’s name. “At least we’re married. He can’t really just get rid of me that easily.”

She lets out a sigh and passes me the wine before sitting down with her own glass. “He’s not going to get rid of you.”

A shaky breath escapes me. “I loved him and then I hated him and then I was indifferent to him. Or I thought I was. Maybe I never quite escaped the love-hate paradigm.” I rub my face, and exhaustion settles over me. “Things have been so good between us. So good. I dreaded the truth coming out, but I hoped he’d understand I was stuck in an impossible situation.”

“He didn’t cancel the wedding, right?”

“Do I keep planning it when he’s so angry with me? Who wants to plan a wedding when you’re worried your spouse hates you?”

“Julia,” Posey says. “Whatever he said, he doesn’t hate you. He’s mad. Mad Nick has been a force since we were kids. Big emotions get away from him so, so easily. Aren’t you the one who told me that?”

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.” My voice hitches on a sob. “He’s so angry with me, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Posey puts down her wine and comes over to tug me into her arms. “Oh, Jules. You’ll figure it out. If there’s one thing I know about you—you don’t give up easily.”

But it’s not me giving up this time, and you can’t force someone to fight for you, to fight for a relationship.