Page 52 of A Christmas Wish for the Village Midwife

‘Oi!’ Lavender sent a grin back. ‘You get home from travelling the world and the first thing you do is start insulting me again. I won’t stand for it.’

‘Sit down then because you’re getting it anyway.’

‘Charles… can’t you do something to keep her under control?’

Fliss’s husband shrugged. ‘First of all, no. And secondly, don’t get me involved. I wouldn’t dream of trying to control any aspect of Fliss’s marvellous personality, and as we all know, anyone would be mad to try.’

‘Someone should tell Magnus that,’ Stacey said.

‘Who’s playing Cinderella?’ Zoe asked.

Charles lifted a hand. Zoe’s eyes widened. ‘Oh… wow!’

‘Quite,’ Charles said with a laugh. ‘Don’t worry, you’re as confused as everyone else I’ve told but all will become clear.’

‘In that case I can’t wait to come and watch!’ Zoe said.

‘Wonderful,’ Fliss said airily. ‘Another person to come and see the reputation I’ve worked many years to build go up in smoke.’

‘Who are you playing?’ Zoe asked.

‘Buttons,’ Fliss said.

‘And I’m playing a scullery maid,’ Stacey added. ‘Although I’m almost certain there wasn’t a scullery maid in Cinderella. They have Cinderella to do all the work, after all, and that’s sort of the point of the story.’

Zoe’s forehead creased. ‘It doesn’t seem like there’s much effort to stick to the traditional story to be honest, so why not? Whose idea was all this?’

‘A product of Magnus’s febrile imagination,’ Fliss said. ‘He thinks it will be funny if we gender swap. I suppose because people know we’re married in real life or something. As for the scullery maid…’

Zoe suspected that Magnus had felt obliged to provide a part for Stacey and if he hadn’t been so keen on his alternative casting he’d have given Cinderella to her. She was, after all, his sister-in-law. And she was about the closest the village had to the right kind of casting, if you discounted all the younger women who weren’t remotely interested in the panto. ‘I’m sure it makes sense to Magnus, even if it doesn’t to anyone else,’ she added.

‘You didn’t have to audition,’ Lavender said.

‘I know,’ Fliss replied. ‘That’s what makes it worse.’ She glanced up. ‘Look lively, Cameron Mackintosh is back.’

Magnus marched over, and he didn’t look happy, though he did break into a smile as soon as he noticed Zoe and Corrine sitting with the cast.

‘Hello, you two.’

‘I thought I’d pop down while I had a spare minute to see what you wanted for the set,’ Corrine said. ‘Victor has some spare wood, by the way, and he’s happy to build things. I can paint backdrops, and I can sew the odd costume – not too many though because we’ve got our hands full with the new alpaca, and Christmas is coming, of course…’

‘I can help if you need it,’ Zoe said. ‘Not sure what I can do, but I’ll have a go.’

‘That’s kind of you,’ Magnus said. ‘I’ll have a think. Perhaps you could help on the night by taking tickets and showing people to their seats?’

‘Tickets?’ For some reason, Zoe had assumed the panto would be a community event that anyone could attend for free. She realised now that it was probably a silly assumption, and Magnus’s next words explained why she was right.

‘We have to make sure the hall is not too full because of fire regulations. We’re only ticketing for that reason, and for a small contribution to the cost of putting the panto on.’

‘Oh, of course.’

‘Because the whole village is clamouring to come and see us old duffers make absolute prats of ourselves, so it will definitely be a stampede to get in otherwise,’ Lavender said in a voice loaded with sarcasm.

‘We’ve had a lot of interest,’ Magnus said, the offence obvious in his tone.

Zoe did think Lavender was being a little unfair and was tempted to remind her colleague of how excited she’d been at the prospect of this panto when she’d first heard about it.

‘We’ll all come,’ Zoe said. ‘And I’d be happy to take the tickets for you on the night. I bet Alex and Billie would help too.’