Page 61 of A Christmas Wish for the Village Midwife

‘Don’t leave it too long. He’s struggling as well, you know.’

‘But he has you now.’

‘Maybe, but life isn’t plain sailing for anyone, even in a new relationship. Yes, we’re crazy about one another, but we have our own issues to deal with, even so. At our age especially, new relationships don’t come unburdened.’

‘You mean me? I’m the burden?’

‘Of course not! I didn’t put it quite right – what I mean to say is we have history and other demands on us. We’ve had bad experiences and good experiences that colour the way we see things and deal with and react to things. Sometimes those attitudes make things difficult that shouldn’t be. You must feel that too, surely? For someone of your age, you’ve been through a lot. Do you think much about dating again?’

Billie kissed Louisa on the head. ‘How can I? Who’s going to go out with me?’

‘Why do you think that?’

‘I’ve got a baby. And even if I didn’t have a baby, who am I going to meet stuck in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere?’

‘Don’t all people of your age use Tinder now? I didn’t think you had to go out to meet people.’

‘You have to go out if you actually want to talk to them in person, and everyone in Thimblebury is about seventy.’

Zoe raised her eyebrows, and Billie offered a sheepish smile. ‘OK, not everyone, but there aren’t many my age.’

‘I can’t deny there isn’t much of a dating pool to dip into. But there must be opportunities in the nearest towns, and we’d be happy to babysit for you if you wanted to go and meet people there.’

‘Thanks. I get what you’re trying to do. I know you’d babysit, but I don’t know if I want you to. I don’t want to leave Louisa just to go and chat with some guy. She’s too important for that. She’s not second best, and she never will be.’

‘Nobody would think that. You’re entitled to a life as well, and you’re entitled to put yourself first once in a while. Remember when we had that conversation about you being the best version of yourself so you can be the best version of the mother she needs? Well, that applies to all aspects of your life, not just your mental health.’

Billie gave her head a firm shake. ‘I’m not bothered about any of that.’

The boat cast off, and a crowd of children raced to the windows to see it pull away from the shore. For a moment, Zoe and Billie were distracted by the sight of them, all gasps and giggles. And then, to add to the fervour, a few stuttering snowflakes fell from the leaden skies, causing new exclamations of excitement. The tops of the mountains that crowded the misted lake were hidden from view by the clouds and their sides black and treacle and khaki green in the low light, but no amount of gloomy weather could make them look anything less than magnificent. It was a strange, heavy sort of day, and yet there was beauty in it, and in the atmosphere on the boat, full of anticipation and eagerness. For many of the children, today would form the backbone of their earliest Christmas recollections, and for the parents a day they would treasure the memory of.

It was then Zoe noticed the heavily pregnant woman get up from her seat with a wince. A hand flew to her belly, rubbing it. Zoe watched her carefully. Her instinct was to go and ask if she was all right, even to ask to check her over, but she wasn’t on duty now, and she had to remember that she couldn’t simply go around examining someone just because they were pregnant and might have a little backache. If the woman needed help, she was sure she’d ask someone, and then Zoe would make herself known. But still, she watched anyway.

After perhaps thirty seconds of deep breathing, the woman waddled over to the window and began to talk to a boy of about six or seven, pointing at things outside as the boat cleaved a path through the water, and Zoe relaxed, deciding she was probably all right.

Billie was silent for the next few minutes, and Zoe did the same to give her space. And so she turned her attention to the other families on the boat, enjoying their interactions and trying to imagine what their lives were like at home. They were lives she might never know, and she was beginning to make her peace with that. As she watched, her musings turned again to the foster families she’d met on the alpaca trail with Victor earlier in the year. She’d thought of them often and had kept in touch, but she realised she hadn’t heard anything for a while. She made a mental note to message when she got home and ask how things were.

‘Oh, Lou Lou, look! It’s Santa!’

Zoe turned at the sound of Billie’s voice and found the man himself standing at the doorway to the cabin, every bit as round and red-cheeked as all the best Santas were meant to be. He was flanked by a team of elves dressed in red and green and long stripey socks, who, judging by their red noses and watering eyes, probably needed more layers because they looked freezing. But they kept up the cheery act, and every kid on the boat was round-eyed with wonder at the sight. Some started to cheer and clap.

‘Hello, children!’ Santa boomed.

Amongst the cheering and excitement, there was a sudden wail of dismay, and then some of the adults started to laugh as a man scooped up a toddler and tried to reassure her with hugs and kisses.

‘Not to worry!’ Santa said cheerily. ‘I sometimes have that effect, but I never take offence!’

‘She’s silly!’ a boy said, immediately hushed by someone who might have been his grandma.

Zoe smiled at Billie. ‘You’ve got all that coming,’ she said in a low voice.

‘Louisa won’t say things like that; I’ll make sure she’s always kind.’

‘I don’t think kind comes into it. It’s more a case of saying whatever comes into their heads – it’s what kids do.’

‘Do you think we have to queue up for him?’ Billie asked.

‘No, it looks like they come round to us one by one.’