Page 135 of A Solid Guide to Surviving a Situationship

I was.

This—him—us… it was everything I had asked for. Everything I thought I needed to finally feel okay again.

So why did it feel like I was still being careful? Like I was watching my words before I said them or measuring moments instead of just living them. It felt as though one wrong move—one wrong question—could make him disappear all over again.

I shifted my body, turning onto my back, staring at the ceiling as I let the silence stretch… and the truth settle wherever it wanted to.

He also shifted beside me slightly, still asleep, his arm brushing against mine.

I didn’t move. Didn’t pull away. Didn’t lean either. I just stayed somewhere in between, holding onto something that didn’t feel as solid as I wanted it to be.

Because the truth was, I had him again.

And maybe that should’ve been enough.

But as I lay there, wide awake beside the person I thought who felt like home, fragments of the past came rushing in all at once.

Francis.

Kyle.

Rick.

Their faces flashed in my mind—the things they said and the things they tried to teach me right before the goodbyes.

And that was when it hit me.

The realization you don’t say out loud, because saying it would make it real.

I still held my tongue.

He still hadn’t apologized.

And it still didn’t feel safe.

CHAPTER 16

JAMES VERSUS THE WORLD

The mall was louder than I needed it to be.

People everywhere. Music bleeding from one store into another. Sale signs screaming fonts that felt a little too desperate.

It should’ve been distracting enough. But it wasn’t. Because somehow, even in a place this busy, my thoughts kept circling back to one person.

I ran my fingers across a rack of shirts, flipping through fabrics I didn’t really see. Cotton. Linen. Something soft. Something clean. Something that would look good on him.

He always shone in blue, so I paused on a button-down, holding it up slightly, already picturing it on him.

Sleeves rolled. Collar undone. Effortless.

God. I am in love with him.

I shook my head lightly, exhaling through my nose like that would clear him out of my system.

It didn’t.

Focus.