Page 179 of A Solid Guide to Surviving a Situationship

His eyes watered almost immediately, but he shook his head.

“Did you think it wasn’t hard for me too?” he asked.

I laughed once through my tears. Not because it was funny, but because it hurt.

“You screamed at me, James,” Victor continued, emotion finally slipping into his voice now. “You knew the kind of relationships I came from. You knew the trauma I’d been through. And then you stood there and screamed at my face.”

He shook his head and stepped closer to me, anger finally breaking through.

“No,” he said sharply. “I’m not a punching bag that you suddenly get to hit just because you’re overwhelmed.”

“And I’m not bullet proof against the ways you punish me whenever you feel like it,” I shot back, my voice rising this time—but unapologetic.

Victor flinched slightly.

He looked away immediately after.

Offended.

Hurt.

Crying now too.

And somehow, seeing tears in his eyes only made mine fall harder.

Because this was the tragedy of us: neither of us were lying.

“I loved you,” Victor said, his voice quieter now. “I still do.”

Silence.

“But,” he continued, “why am I the only one who could look past what happened?”

The words hit me straight in the chest, because I believed him.

I believed every single word when he said he loved me.

But love suddenly didn’t feel as holy to me anymore.

Not after everything it cost me.

“Because your love still feels like something I have to survive,” I answered quietly.

That made him sob harder.

He looked down, one hand covering his mouth as a broken breath escaped him.

“I never wanted that,” Victor said finally, his voice falling apart around the words. “James… I never wanted your life to fall apart like that.”

More tears slid down his face, and for a moment, he looked younger somehow. Less composed. Less untouchable. Just human.

The sight of it shattered something in me instantly, because despite everything, I still hated seeing him break down.

“I didn’t know it got that bad,” he admitted quietly. “You disappeared. And then suddenly I heard you left the city. I didn’t know what to do with any of it.”

The streetlights reflected faintly against the wetness in his eyes.

“I hated myself too,” he continued. “Do you think it was easy for me? Losing you?” His voice cracked again. “You think I didn’t replay that night over and over in my head?”