Page 152 of Death is Familiar

And whether it was the torrent of wet spilling down the collar of Todd’s coat, or the fact I was surrounded by industrial dumpsters, I knew I was acting the fool. I had literally escaped a cult, to be in the company of agents who were keen on protecting me, and what did I do?

Run away. Classic.

It was too much all at once. I couldn’t take it. I just wanted one part of this whole ordeal to be up to me. To be my choice. For there to be just one moment where I was in control and⁠—

Clarity coursed like lightening through my core, and I knew—I just knew—whatever scenario I pictured in my head was something I was never going to get. There never was going to be a perfect time. There was never going to be a happy announcement, or people pulling out chairs, or treating me like I was precious.

It was a fantasy. Reality wouldn’t allow me to accept other’s good will, or to let myself be taken care of.

Did I want it? Yes. Would I allow it? No.

What I desired would never come to pass—all because I wouldn’t let it.

Ugh, I was such a fucking disaster.

And like a disaster, whether it was hurricane, tornado, or typhoon, the only thing that felt right was moving. I had to keep moving.

I tugged at the collar of Todd’s raincoat as I walked towards I-don’t-know-where so long as it was anywhere but here, the October rain splattering against my hair, my legs, my cheeks.

“Delilah!”

I blamed the downpour for the blur in my eyes, and kept walking.

Keep moving.

“Delilah, wait!”

The sound of footfalls smacking against damp pavement was closing in. I wasn’t going to change my pace. I couldn’t hide the evidence anyway. As soon as someone other than Jack realized which combination of DNA rested under my skin, everything I had was going to be taken away.

“Delilah,” Jack fell into step behind me. “Talk to me. What’s going on? Why are you running?”

“I can’t do this, Jack.”

“Can’t do what?” He strode in front of me, blocking my path, as he took a hold of my shoulders. “Because whatever it is, you have me. You have, Todd. And we’ll support you with whatever⁠—"

“No, I can’t, Jack! This is too much!” I swiped his hands off my shoulders and made to move around him, but Jack used the momentum to pull me to his chest. Enveloped in comforting dark citrus and lime and bergamot, with a hint of cedar, I was even more aware of the parts of me touching parts of Jack, and the space carved between us down the middle by my bump. “You saw the monitor, so don’t pretend like you don’t know. I don’t know how…”

“Then you’re really…” Jack’s eyes were wide. Shock and wonder in equal measure. “How far…along are you?”

“However-many-weeks makes me this big.” I gestured to the bump. “However-many-weeks it’s been since we crossed the line at that motel! And trust me, I know it doesn’t make sense. We were careful, we shouldn’t have even been able to do this!”

Realization flooded through Jack, pupils blown wide, his breathing came quickly. “Delilah, you’re saying…”

I wanted to run again, but I needed to pull it together. I didn’t want him to say the next words, not when I’d just been angry-yelling life changing news at him. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Be somewhere else. Be someone else. “I don’t know how. It doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense,” I repeated, quieter this time.

“Mine?” He looked at my belly, which at its current angle was not doing a very good job at remaining hidden under Todd’s coat. “Yours and mine?”

I couldn’t keep the tears at bay. I just stared at him, water pooling on my cheeks, as I did everything in my power not to bolt. “What, you’re just accepting this?”

“Delilah, this is…” There was a sharp inhale, as a lone tear slipped down Jack’s cheek. “You are…” he tried again, before settling on, “Whatever you need.”

“Whatever I need? Jack, I don’t know how it is possible.” I was shaking. “My stomach’s a mess of scars. I was on birth control.”

He pulled me closer, circling a hand over my back, “I know. I⁠—”

“You said you couldn’t have children! We used protection!”

Jack froze, and I tilted my head up to find a look of pure horror on his face. Horror, literal horror.