Page 48 of Death is Familiar

Pointed heel still pressing into his tattooed-neck, I grumbled, “You should know better than to sneak up on me.”

Maintaining eye contact, Todd slowly wrapped his fingers around my hand and took hold of the stiletto. “What’s going on?”

My response was not one I was proud of.

I had just enough time to roughly press my finger inside Todd’s ear to power down his earpiece, before I whipped my upper body around the corner.

I hate this.

I hate this.

Having the corner of the building to obfuscate Todd’s view of my retching was a small mercy. My fingers clasped the pavement, hoping it would ground me. I didn’t want to turn back. Not until I was certain I wasn’t going to throw up on Todd when I faced him.

It took another few moments for the discomfort to pass.

“I’m fine,” I said, turning to face him, despite the tremble in my legs. In my hands. I wasn’t sure whether or not I had the strength to stand.

“Whatever this is.” He circled his hand in my vicinity. “Not fine.”

He was right, of course. But I didn’t have the words. I was working too hard to gain control over my body, my mind.

Despite my lack of response, instead of backing off to give me some space, Todd sat on the ground in his dress clothes, pulling my lengthy skirts out of the line of fire. Patient. Unfazed. He made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere. Not unless we left together—which was a total shift from my first venture in throwing up in front of the agents, where he made a point of leaving the room.

“What’s going on?”

I spat at the ground, around the corner, of course, ridding my mouth of the bile that remained. At least the frequency was slowing.

“I don’t. Do well. With hormones.” It was the truth. But I didn’t miss the widening of Todd’s eyes, the slackening of his jaw—he’d jumped ahead. Much too far ahead. Even though they were false, I pushed my next words out quickly so his thoughts wouldn’t run away with him. Wouldn’t lead him to the truth. “I switched to the pill. And it does not agree with me.”

A good move on my part.

Immediately after finding out about my passenger, I did what any cult-infiltrating woman in league with the FBI would do. I switched birth control methods, and got a prescription for the pill. Not that I would be taking it until I figured out what I was going to do about my passenger. No, this was so my health team wouldn’t test me, so I could avoid the shot, and claim to be on birth control in the process. It also happened to be a great cover since the agents already knew that birth control and I were not best friends.

Todd waited, studying me, then nodded.

Crisis averted.

Now, we just needed to get out of the alley before he could ask any more questions.

When I made to stand, Todd shot to his feet, so he could help me to mine. But as we stood, an unmistakable series of emotions washed over his face. Realization. Awe. Concern.

“Are you sure?”

He looked at me with new eyes. The way he assessed me, the way his gaze lingered a little too long on my stomach, panic rose in my chest. No. No. No. “Stop your train of thought right there.”

But he didn’t. He flickered his attention between my face, and the velvet-soft material covering my belly, paying no attention to my breasts which, despite all my taping, were very nearly on display. “You turned off my earpiece. Why?”

Ice water sluiced through my veins. I was not ready for this. I needed him to be oblivious to all this, so I could sort things out. So, Jack would be the first—and perhaps only—one to know. So, that I wouldn’t feel this strange sense of shame itching beneath my skin.

I wasn’t ashamed of having sex, to be honest it had been quite overdue, or because I was carrying a passenger despite doing everything right. It was a nameless shame. One that burned bright under Todd’s attention.

When I didn’t answer, he pressed further. “What should I stop thinking of, Delilah?”

Fuck. Fuck fucking… Fuck.

If I was going to keep my circumstances to myself a little longer, I needed to think of something realistic⁠—

“I was heaving my guts out in the middle of an alley, and you’re asking me why I didn’t want anyone else listening in?” I hoped the first part of my deflection slid under the radar. “And you sure as hell know what you should stop thinking about.”