Page 44 of Christmas Coffee

We stop in front of the menus and I glance over at her. “So what?”

“So, Celyn. How is he?” Tinselly’s heard me talk about him. I was careful though. I didn’t say too much. At least I didn’t think I did. She was totally bluffing before, back in the hut. I don’t call Celyn anything, but I know he’s going to think I do now. He probably thinks I curse him every night and complain about my bad boss.

“He’s fine. He burned his hand the other night. Other than that, good.” I feel her eyes on the side of my face, and I can see out of my peripheral that her grin is growing. It’s big enough to eat her face. I round on her. “What?”

A huge grin eats her face and she lifts a finger toward me. “Nova has a boyfriend.” She chants the words like a second grader.

“It’s not like that.” I’m smiling though, which completely contradicts what I just said. “He’s just, nice.”

“Uh oh. Nice? Nice is the friend zone.” Tinselly’s gaze narrows as I study the menu too closely. She knows. I don’t know how she figured it out, but she put it together. Celyn. One night guy. And me.

Her face fills with delighted shock as her mouth turns into a big O. She sucks in enough air to form a black hole when I plaster my hands over her mouth. I hiss at her, “Say it and die.”

Tinselly swats my fingers away and points at me. “It was him. The guy from Thanksgiving! Oh my God!” She does a little jumpy dance, way too excited, and then tugs me to a table. “Start at the beginning. Tell me everything.” She’s so happy for me that I don’t want to do it, but I won’t lie to her.

I glance at her hands and her manicured nails. “It’s not like that. He’s not interested in me. Well, he was that night—for about ten minutes—then he walked out and didn’t come back.”

Her jaw drops and anger flashes in her eyes. “He did what now?”

“He thought I was older. I thought he was younger.” I don’t explain the rest of that night. I don’t tell her his kisses made me forget Ben and eased the betrayal. I don’t admit that his voice fills my mind, even when he’s not there. I can’t say that his laughter makes me feel whole and those arms—that touch—makes everything that’s wrong with the world fade away.

Tinselly watches me for a moment. She lets out a slow breath and takes one of my hands and squeezes it so hard it hurts. I yank it away. “Tinselly!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you feel that?” She lifts a hand and smacks me gently in the side of the head, knocking my fluffy hat off. “A blind person could see you two are into each other. Why are you ignoring how you feel?”

I pull my hat on my head and frown at her. “I’m not.” She lifts a dark brow at me. It’s the same look Mom gave us when we were kids and we weren’t telling the truth. “I’m not lying. I told you, I won’t do that to you.”

Tinselly nods a few times and leans back in her seat. She ticks off on her fingers, “So, you nearly went to bed with this guy, he becomes your boss, and now it’s like you two are BFFs.”

I shrug and can’t really wipe the sadness off my face. “Yeah.” I don’t look at her. “Listen, Tinselly. I can’t. It’s easier to not admit I feel anything about him. I mean, I shouldn’t feel anything. I was in love with Ben. Everything was about Ben for the longest time. What does it say about me that I can feel something so fast for someone else?”

Tinselly sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose like she has a headache. When she drops her hands she looks me in the eye. “It says you have huge balls. It says you’re a survivor and you’re not willing to give up. Come on, Nova. You can’t beat yourself up over Ben. That was over a long time ago, wasn’t it?”

My face flicks up and my eyes meet hers. “What are you talking about?”

“Maybe I’m wrong, but it seemed like things weren’t good.”

“They were okay,” I hedge.

“Were you happy?” She asks like she really wants to know, so I think about it.

“At times, yes.”

“What about work? And bed? And everything? As a whole, you seemed like you were working all the time. Toward the end, you barely smiled. When Ben touched you, you shook him off.”

“I did not.”

“You did. Nova, it’s not a criticism. I’m just saying that maybe things falling apart with Ben wasn’t a bad thing. He wasn’t your guy. You need someone who can dream as big as you can, someone who will challenge you to do better, to be more. And I admit that I hoped it was Ben because he anchored your impulsiveness, but it’s that impulse that made you successful. It seemed more like he caged you than anything else. Not on purpose and not in a malicious way. It’s just what happens when you take a guy like him and pair him with a girl like you.” Tinselly lets out a rush of air. “Celyn thinks like you, I hear it when you talk about him. So who put up the friend wall, you or him?”

“Him.” I glance away, unable to look at her. I might squirm out of my seat to avoid this conversation.

“Are you sure it wasn’t you?” Tinselly catches my gaze and smiles kindly at me. “Rejection sucks, Nova. But I’m not going to coddle you. Sometimes things change and if he doesn’t know how you feel, nothing will happen. He’ll keep everything platonic. If that’s not what you want, you should let him know.”

I’m shaking my head before the words have formed completely in my mind. “No,” I look her square in the face. “The first day with him after that night was awkward as hell. I was angry and nearly lost any chance I had at knowing him.” That’s when I realize what I’ve been unwilling to admit—I want to know him. I want to be around him and I’ll take whatever form of relationship he offers, because something is better than nothing. I can be his friend. He needs a friend and so do I.

“So you’d rather have him as a friend than nothing at all?”

I nod with absolute certainty. “Yes.”