Page 17 of The Intimacy of Finding You

I closed the container and handed it to Jack, who took it blindly as I leaned forward in the chair. I wanted to reach for him, cradle his face in my hands and look into his big, gorgeous brown eyes and tell him I still loved him. Tell him I still needed him on this planet, so he better not scare me like that again. My hands shook to do it, the blood pumping in my veins bubbling and burning with the pure need to feel him. But I contained myself and waited, watching helplessly as Tobi—now a stranger—slowly opened his eyes.

There was nothing else I was allowed to do. He wasn’t mine anymore.

He closed his eyes again, squeezing them as his eyebrows furrowed, creating lines on his forehead. He looked like he was in pain, and I wanted to take it away from him. Instead, I simply pressed the call button that was sitting right beside his hand and waited until he opened his eyes again. When he did, he jerked away, blinking rapidly and looking around the room frantically.

I moved right in front of his eyes and whispered to him. “Hey, hey, you’re okay. You’re in the hospital, but you’re safe.”

The door opened just as a nurse walked in, a big smile on his face despite the situation. “Oh, good, you’re awake. You had us scared for a minute there, Tobias.”

Tobi eyed him wearily as he came around his bed and started looking at the monitors. I bent down again, speaking only to Tobi. “He’s a nurse, Tobes. He’s just checking on you, okay? You’re really sick right now.”

“My name is Hayden. I’m just going to check a few things really quick, get some more medicine going in your IV, and then I’ll be completely out of your hair.”

I watched as Tobi looked at Hayden from the side, still unsure, but nodded anyway.

Hayden didn’t take very long before he stepped back and gave us a smile. “He’s doing pretty good, all things considered. For how worried we were, it seems he’ll make a full recovery. He’ll stay for observation for the next day or so.” He pulled out a tiny notepad from his scrub pocket. “Which reminds me, we just need to know if you’d be willing to meet with an addiction counselor while you’re here. The one on call is absolutely wonderful. Her name is Anna, and she’d be really happy to meet with you and help you figure out some long-term recovery options. Think about it and just let one of us know. I’ll come back by in a couple of hours to administer more meds.”

“Uh, I don’t think he can really even process what you’re saying yet. I’ll talk to him when he’s a bit more alert.”

“Of course. Take your time.” Hayden gave us one last head nod before walking out of the room.

Tobi had watched him the entire time, eyeing him warily before finally looking up at me. “What happened?”

I turned to Jack and nodded toward the door. “Give us some privacy, please.”

“Why’d Jack come?”

The door clicked shut, echoing in the room like some sort of warning. Maybe it was a sign. Of what, I wasn’t sure, but the flutters of blade-tipped wings in my stomach were pushing me closer and closer to the edge. Fuck a silent disco, this was pure chaos.

All I had to do was put a foot forward, and I’d be tumbling. Falling. Rolling down a mountain I couldn’t get back up from.

Tread carefully, Callum.

Taking a deep breath, I sat back in the chair and lifted my head, looking right at him. “Because I was too much of a nervous wreck to drive myself.”

Tobi’s eyebrow twitched. It was only for a moment—barely even a split second—but I saw it. I saw the recognition.

Wringing my hands together, I tried to ignore how much I wanted to pick and tear and bite. “I’m still your emergency contact?”

He turned his head, looking straight up at the ceiling instead of at me. He was avoiding looking me in the eye. “Yeah. I never did meet anyone else worthy of bein’ that for me. No matter what, I knew you’d come for me if I needed you.”

“You’ve got a lot of trust in me still, then. All these years later.”

“The trust I have…er, had in you is a rare kind. I trusted you completely. You were, and still are, the only taste of peace I’ve ever known.”

I huffed a humorless laugh. “You say that. Look where we are now.” Leaning back in the chair, I rested a leg on my knee. “What do you remember? Before waking up just now.”

He shrugged. “Walking to the subway. I wasn’t sure if I’d make it. It was really fuckin’ cold, and I remember thinking about how much I’d drunk. Other than that, nothing.”

The way his accent fluctuated was equal parts interesting and heartbreaking. Hearing the evidence of how much had changed in the time we’d spent apart—it was cruel. “Alcohol poisoning, Tobes. You could’ve died.”

His eyes fluttered closed, his eyelashes brushing against the tops of his cheeks. I envied them, oddly enough. I wanted to touch him there. Be so close, I could feel his warm skin against mine. Was it smooth, like I remembered it being? Or was it rough and textured, changed after years of a life I’d not gotten to be a part of? “Makes sense. I did drink quite a bit really quickly.”

“You were passed out in the snow. You almost drowned in your own vomit. You could’ve died. Does that not concern you? Not even a little bit?”

Sighing, he turned his head back toward me, a new sadness glossing over his eyes. It was unfamiliar, and I wanted to banish it. “I’m not sure what you want me to say. It’s par for the course, I guess.”

“Par for the fucking course?” I was in pure shock. How could he phrase it so carelessly? As if we wouldn’t be completely broken if he’d died that way. “You may not care about your well-being, but I do. I fucking do. Speaking of…you didn’t tell me you were homeless.”