Page 34 of The Intimacy of Finding You

“Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

My eyebrows came together as I looked up at him. Was I sweating? My forehead felt sticky. “What?”

“The hospital. If you’re about to go through withdrawals, you need to be in a hospital. If you don’t want to detox, then—and I never thought I’d say this—you need to drink. Alcohol withdrawals can kill you.”

“I don’t have any booze.”

“There’s some behind the counter. I’ll pay Jack back. He’ll understand.”

I shook my head and wiped my forehead. His words were jumbled up in my brain, and it was getting harder to process them. “You’re going to pay for me to drink?”

He stood up, walking to the door. “If you want to detox, I will drive you right now. If you want to get sober, I will take you.”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I just wanted to see. I just wanted to try. I wanted to know what I was capable of. I didn’t mean for it to get this far.

“You’re still not ready.”

No. No, I wasn’t. I wanted to be, though, so maybe that was progress.

Callum looked around for a second before grabbing a small trash can from the other side of the room and pushing it toward me. “I’ll stop by the alley before I go to lunch tomorrow. I know Jack said he gave you a spare if you need to go in and out. Will you meet me there so I can check on you?”

I nodded.

He went to open the door but stopped, looking over his shoulder. “Why do you always go to that one? I would’ve gone anywhere to meet you.”

I had to force myself to swallow. My entire body felt like it was vibrating. “Because I’m as close to my past as my brain will let me. Any closer, I’m scared I’ll fall apart.”

“Maybe one day you’ll come inside and see us all.” He turned to the door, leaving me with nothing to look at but his back. “I’ll be here until you’re ready, Tobes. I hope you know that.”

The moment he left and closed the door behind him, I lurched forward and grabbed the trash can, holding it under my mouth as I threw up everything in my stomach. I couldn’t stop. My body was officially rejecting the lack of alcohol in my stomach, and I knew Callum was right. I knew he was.

If I didn’t drink, I’d start going through hell. If I drank, I’d stay right where I was.

But I wasn’t ready.

chapter eighteen

There was already snow on the ground—a perfect start to Christmas Day. I pulled up to the curb, turning to Jack. “Keep Fishy contained. I really hope he doesn’t pee in my car.”

“Yeah, you can’t really Swiffer the seats like you can your floor. I’ll try to keep him from looking out the window.”

I pulled on the handle and opened the door, immediately wincing at the sheer force of the icicles breezing into the air. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, trying to gather as much warmth as possible as I jogged into the space between the buildings. Thankfully, Tobi wasn’t sitting on the snow-covered ground. He was leaning against the wall behind him, wearing the jacket I’d given him.

He turned his head, looking straight at me. When he smiled, I could tell. “Hey, Callum.”

He was drunk. “Hey. Thanks for coming down here so I could check on you.”

“No worries. You were right. I did some Googlin’ about withdrawal.”

I kicked some of the snow around my feet. “You didn’t know already?”

“Never had a reason to. Until now. How do you know so much about it?”

I stared at him for a second, really wondering if he was seriously asking me that question. “My parents chose alcohol over me, Tobi.”

The moment it sunk in for him, his eyes dimmed as his entire face pulled into some sort of horrified yet distraught expression. Had he really forgotten? “Fuck. Yeah, no wonder you know so much about it.” He sighed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Callum. I really am.”

“For which part?”