Page 50 of The Intimacy of Finding You

“I know. I’m sorry I made you wait for so long.”

He shook his head. “I don’t care. You’re finally here, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“I’m still a mess, baby. I’m still fucked up. It won’t be easy.”

I melted into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. “You’re not fucked up. You’re my Tobi. My supernova. My everything. I’ll be here, no matter what, and I’ll accept you for where you are, no matter how that looks. You’re ready to try? I’m ready to fight. Even though I’m kind of a mess myself right now.”

My heart took on the same beat as his. The pressure of his arms around me and his body pressed against me gave me something I hadn’t felt in so long I’d truly forgotten it existed—security and love. I felt loved. Wanted. Needed. “We’ll fight together, then. It’s gonna be hard, Cal. I gotta be honest, I’m a little scared.”

“I know. I’m scared, too.” He pulled away, keeping his hands on my shoulders as he looked at me. There were unshed tears waiting at his waterline, the gorgeous hazel of his eyes almost twinkling. “I’m really fucking scared. I’m scared of losing you again, even though you’re right here. I’m scared of the world. I’m scared of life without Papa. But you know what gives me hope?”

“What?”

“You came back. That’s all the proof I need that things will work out. We just might have to…” He shrugged. “I don’t know. Start over?”

Start over. Go back to the beginning, but ten years older and with a hell of a lot more baggage than before. “Yeah, that sounds good. That sounds really good.”

His smile. Fuck, his smile could cure the world and everything wrong with it. “I’m excited to start over with you.”

“Me too, Cally. Me too.”

And just like that, even though there was a craving making its way back up, I realized I didn’t actually want to drink. I didn’t want to numb this feeling or these memories. I’d always loved Callum Stanton. I never stopped; I’d just made the heartache hurt less in my pathetic effort to make the bad memories go away.

We had a long way to go. But I was finally ready for every fucking second of it.

chapter twenty-five

The cold breeze felt good on my heated face. I pushed off the concrete on my porch just enough to make my chair rock gently. Opening my eyes, I turned my head to look at Tobi, who was sitting in Papa’s chair, his eyes closed just as mine were.

His beard was gone. I kind of preferred it that way. All it’d done was hide him from me further, and I didn’t want that. Beneath it all, Tobi was still there. I’d been searching for signs that he was—that the man I’d sworn my life to twelve years ago still existed. I finally had proof. I finally had hope. I could see the smile lines I didn’t cause to form and the new scar just above his lip where his mustache had previously lain. There was evidence of his existence etched into his skin, and all I wanted to do was stare at it.

The lines in his lips were deeper than I remembered them being, mixing with the slightly chapped outline, stopping right before his cupid’s bow. They tasted sweeter, too, melding perfectly with the cracks in mine. Oh, how lucky I was to know him now. As a man more mature than our barely adult selves. As a person who understood life’s way of kicking us in the ass when we were already down.

How lucky I was to know he was alive.

How lucky I was to know he was still mine.

How lucky I was.

Tobi still hadn’t opened his eyes, letting the wind and the rocking chair move him as they pleased. He looked peaceful and healthy. All he needed now were his glasses, and he’d be just like I remembered him.

I planted my feet flat on the ground, making the chair stop. “Hey, do you not wear glasses anymore?”

Finally, those big, gorgeous brown eyes looked at me. All this time later, and I still got flutters in my stomach from his gaze. “No. Not that I don’t need them, but an ex of mine broke them about five years ago.” He shrugged. “I haven’t had insurance since leaving and getting them replaced was too expensive. So, I just got used to it.”

“That should be a number one priority when you get a job. I can’t believe you’ve just gone without all these years.”

“Eh. I’ve been told I can be stubborn.”

I huffed a laugh, looking out over the porch banister. I didn’t really mind the cold anymore, but I was pretty eager for spring to come and clear out the snow. Shoveling it was getting tiring, and I still needed to do Papa’s driveway.

The thought came out of nowhere. It was autopilot. Something I usually wouldn’t have to think about. And now I did. “Oh, fuck.” My voice broke as it hit me again for what felt like the millionth time. I leaned forward, clutching at my chest as I waited for my breath to filter back into my lungs.

“Cal? What’s wrong?” Tobi was already at my feet, a hand resting on my shoulder.

I shook my head, trying and failing to keep the tears from flowing. I didn’t want to cry anymore. When would I run out of tears? It was so unfair. So fucking unfair. “Papa. I thought about shoveling his driveway. Like I normally do every snow.”

“Oh, baby.” He leaned forward, resting his forehead against my shoulder as he rubbed up and down my arm. “I’m so sorry.”