Page 28 of By the Flames of Her Fury

Iapproached Starke’s house, which was just a few minutes’ walk from the harbormaster’s office. The front door faced the open sea, where I could barely make out the White Moonstone bobbing at the dock far below. I raised my hand to knock, but just before I did, a little bird landed on the windowsill to my right. It ruffled its black feathers with a low warble, and the sight made me pause.

I miss you, Mama.

I tried not to let myself dwell on what I’d left behind. I had to focus on the things I could control, like finding Mortep and making him pay. Maybe that would finally undo all the misery those I loved were put through because of me.

Resolve solidified once more. “Starke,” I called, pounding on his door. The temperature had dropped considerably since the sun set hours ago. I tugged my leather jacket tighter around my midsection and peered in through the side window.

“Starke, I know you’re up.” Another knock. “You can never sleep after long trips.”

There were heavy footsteps and a few muffled curses before the door finally swung open. I took a step back, my eyes shooting from his bare chest up to the ruffled blond waves and tired eyes.

“What’s going on?” he mumbled, scratching his beard with a scowl. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“I know. I’m sorry, but this was important,” I started. “Odessa and I were doing some digging, and we found⁠—”

“Hello, Vera, it’s good to see you, too,” Starke interrupted, voice scratchy with sleep. “Yes, my evening was fine. How was yours?”

I stopped in my tracks. “What?”

“For once, it would be nice to open the door for you and have a friendly conversation, not the start of another side quest to get us killed.”

My brow furrowed. He often made small jokes and comments about the leads I dragged him into, but this time felt different. His light blue eyes were closed off, the wrinkles at his forehead were more pronounced, and his arms were crossed tightly over his chest.

I licked my lips. “I—I’m sorry. I just thought⁠—”

“I know what you thought.” He let out a breath and rubbed the stubble on his neck. “And I guess it’s partially my fault.”

Guilt wormed to the surface. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“When have I ever said no to you?” He shook his head. “Of all the ridiculous schemes you bring to me, when have I ever denied you?”

“I’m not⁠—”

“So it’s no wonder you think you can barge in here in the middle of the night and talk about your next big plan after we almost died on your last one.” He threw his hands in the air. “It’s my fault. I’ve given you every reason to think I’m just a doormat. A stepping stone to get you where you need to go.”

My stomach sank. He thought I was using him. And with gut-wrenching clarity, I realized I had been. The guilt was familiar and sharp, a reminder of all the shame from my past I’d funneled into anger. Because anger was easier than this. It was easier than knowing how deeply I failed those I cared about.

“Starke, I’m sorry.” My breath caught. “I’m so sorry. I—I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Of course, you didn’t. Because you’re so…” He trailed off and curved his hands in the air, as if he was picturing my head between them as he shook them in frustration.

“Selfish?” I offered. “Fixated? Obsessive? Really, I have a whole list for you.”

I cracked a tiny smile, and that seemed to soften him. His shoulders relaxed as he rolled his eyes. “No, Vera. You’re just…you’re difficult.”

“I’ve been called worse.”

He paused for a moment, letting the discomfort bleed away into the night. “So, why did you come here?”

“It can wait.” I took a step back. “You’re right. I’ve been taking you for granted, and I have to stop. Let’s just forget about⁠—”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” he insisted, grabbing my wrist. My arm tensed at the unwanted contact, but he didn’t let go. “I want to help you, okay? You know that. All I meant was…there comes a point when that’s all I am to you.”

I carefully extricated myself from his grasp. “You’re my friend, Starke,” I said. “One of my only friends. And I’m sorry I haven’t treated you like one. Trust me, I know what it’s like to be used, and I would never want you to feel that way.”

“See, I don’t even know what you’re talking about when you say things like that.” He gestured toward me. “There’s so much about you I don’t know. You told me Mortep hurt you, and you’ve made it your life’s mission to hunt him down. But that’s all I know about you, Vera. Don’t you think I deserve a little more? After everything?”

My nose twitched. I looked down at my fingers, absentmindedly picking a nail and trying not to feel his gaze burning a hole through me. That was the thing about getting close to others. It gave them power over you. It made you vulnerable. If I had learned one thing in my years under Scarven and Mortep’s hold, it was that vulnerability was currency men like them traded in. I vowed to myself that I would burn alone before I let someone else own a single piece of me again.