Page 115 of Of Shadows and Blood

“I— That’s a loaded question,” I murmur, wary of vampyr ears. “You shouldn’t call me Liv here.”

Sawyer shakes his head, slightly disappointed or annoyed, I cannot tell. He always has been hard to read. The smell of wine on his breath makes me realize his dishevelled look. His shirt is slightly untucked, his cropped hair is messy and he’s sweating despite the cold temperatures.

“Sawyer,” I whisper as he scans around over his shoulder. “Sawyer,” I repeat, squeezing his hand. He looks back to me, unwary.

“Are you okay?”

“Quite.”

We continue stepping in flow with one another, looking in opposite directions as the harmony builds.

I face him as we turn past the courtier I just met. He continues to fish, to prod. “Listen, I know there is little reason to trust me but—”

I step back to pull away but he holds me tighter as the song begins to die down. “Please,” his stare hardens. “They haven’t broken the curse and—”

“How did you know it was a curse?” I feel my face heat.

“I’m a member of the privy council but beside the point, your mind is not better, I can tell. It’s obvious. How much longer are you going to keep up this ruse? Until Avonde and her cronies decide to be more invasive? That could take weeks, months, years.”

I furrow my brow. “No, Cedric and I have an arrangement. If we cannot remedy the ailment then I can leave at any time. We agreed to it.”

“You’re not safe here,” he snaps.

I crane my neck and laugh shortly. “Safer here than I was with you.”

“And Cedric is prepared for an assault from Duresden? I’m the Emissary of Krue. I only traveled here today to bring back a legion into the main villages.” His voice is strained and urgent. No, insistent.

Sawyer leans closer to my ear as the song slows. “It’s been how many months now – nine? Come on, Liv, do you really think he will let you go that easily if things don’t progress? My brother is good-natured, but he is the strongest vampyr on the entire continent. Powerful. Possessive. Do you even grasp what a vampyr bond is? You belong to him. He will push and push and push until something happens. You want to accept that? Fine. Just don’t lose yourself in the process.”

“You speak as if you know the details of my life,” I utter. “You don’t.”

“I have had the privilege to know Liv and Elivienne and they both have been larger than life. The last thing I want is to lose either of you to the madness of magic the cess can conjure to bring both personalities into one.”

I raise my eyebrows and feel sweat run down my chest. “They would never do that. They value me: Liv. Cedric honors that.”

His throat bobs on the last word and he pulls back slightly before leaning in once more. The song has ended and some of those around us have noticed our interaction. I try to school my face neutral but I’m shaking. “If you need an out, a passage, I will provide that to you. If you can trust one last thing from me, let it be that I would never force you to change. You would never have to compromise Liv in pursuit of a lost past.”

Softly, and perhaps unnoticeable to the rest of the crowd, Sawyer presses his lips to my head before walking back into the revelry.

Chapter 30

Couples. The sun has never truly set and the boy has never grown. The trees never drop leaves and the water never comes. We are stuck.

“Lady Liv.” Isadora enters my chambers and curtsies. “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you.” I lift my quill from a letter I hoped to send to the outpost Cedric is stationed at. “Are you and Jett still available for a walk this afternoon? The snow let up enough.”

“Actually…” She smiles and steps aside into a curtsy as Cedric walks into the room. I nearly fall of my vanity seat and cross the distance. His hands lace around my waist and he lifts me slightly from the floor in embrace.

“Surprised?” He kisses my head and sets me down. He’s wearing a worn outfit likely from training and the lack of camp amenities. “I had to borrow clothing from Garreth and he wears shirts thin.”

“Surprised? Yes, on both accounts. I thought you would pack better or have servants to fetch things.” I screw the ink pot lid back on and open the window. “Why have you come?”

He hugs me from behind and I lean back into his touch, closing my eyes.

Can’t I miss you?

You may.