Page 29 of Of Shadows and Blood

“My hair…” I reach for it and truly see the dark strands. Rubbing them between my fingers, I turn from it and move to the balcony overlooking the east grounds, the cottage just over the far hill. Smoke lightly billows from the chimney from my earlier fire.

A large whoosh and thud from behind startles me and I turn to the opposite wall, finding Cedric standing in front of a large painting.

I approach, noting his labored breathing and pained stance. A canvas sheet lies at his feet, the kind used to protect furniture from dust. What he is staring at is different than what I’ve seen in the halls of the palace.

A large portrait of me hangs before us. As big as the bed itself, bordered in a thick silver frame. The frame is cast with stars and whorls, similar to the rest of the castle. My body is posed from the waist up in a beautiful black gown. The organza neckline hangs slightly off my shoulders, exposing porcelain skin and a diamond encrusted necklace. My hair, as pale as my skin, is swept up into a regal coif. The tiara fits snuggly in my hair, which has a crimson streak up the front, like his.

“This… is this…”

“He captured your likeness quite well. Yet, I find it hard to see you like this.” He stares up at the portrait. “I found you, bloody and battered on the border between our kingdom and Duresden, a terrible place.” His eyes keep their intense focus on the portrait in front of us. “You were…” He halts and clenches his jaw.

“You were barely alive. Barely alive for an immortal, which is terrifying in and of itself. You didn’t wake. You didn’t stir, no matter the magic, the spells, the elixirs we concocted. You laid asleep for two years. There was no magical signature on who did this, who left you there in that state. Our enemy has been growing in his power, but we can’t accuse him of this without proof. To do so would be larger than declaring war,” he continues. “As far as answers, we have none.”

I move to sit on the edge of the bed across from him, staring out the window as he places distance between us, folding his arms and leaning against the canopy. A slight breeze disturbs the vines and I take deep breaths, trying to make sense of everything.

“Cedric,” I start, his name feeling both right and wrong in my mouth. He looks over his shoulder. “There is a question that I have for you that I cannot… It haunts me.”

“Ask it,” he says, the moonlight silhouetting his form as he faces me. “I am at your disposal.”

I lick my lips and meet his stare. “Who am I to you?”

The question does not seem to surprise him. In fact, his shoulders lower and he releases a breath. “We are betrothed. Our parents wanted the match but besides that, we wanted it more.” His answer does not surprise me, either. I have had my suspicions, my questions, but now the weight of my reality feels more heavy. If I am her, Elivienne, how can I get back to that?

Cedric brought me here to remind me, to show me. What motivation does a king have to lie like this? To convince members of the court and castle that a commoner, a human, is the fiancée to a vampyr king? Even without those factors, much of my memory of the farm wavers like water.

“I just don’t remember,” I whisper.

“I know that now.”

“Truthfully, I barely believe that this is all real. That you are what you say you are.”

“A king,” he murmurs.

“No, a vampyr,” I say, turning to face him directly. Maroon orbs stare back. I thought they were a deep brown before, but they are truly red.

“You are, as well, if you haven’t figured it out by now.”

A vampyr.

“The blood at the cottage,” I start, shivering at the stark realization but he leaves no room for the shock.

“It was left courtesy of me. The cess thought you would favor human food, but I knew it wouldn’t suffice. You need to feed.”

“Feed?”

“Feed. Drink blood. Your weakness is mounting, I am sure.”

The mere suggestion is beyond twisted. Beyond anything natural and moral. “I wouldn’t allow that – I wouldn’t sink my teeth into anyone, harm anyone.” I could never be as cruel as I have seen him be since my arrival. And yet, despite my disgust, my mouth has an undeniable reaction. It waters subtly at the repellent idea. I can’t deny that my body has been acutely aware of blood since I woke, but it’s a new sensation I am not willing to accept. There must be a better explanation.

“There is nothing within me that would favor feeding from a live human.” I shake my head.

He hardens his face. “You won’t need to. Lux has reformed feeder laws. Everything you drink is ethically sourced and stored.” A hint of pride laces his words.

“And that is just normal? Sourcing blood from humans for our gain?”

“If you do not feed, you will die. Feeders exist to give us life. In exchange, we protect them, provide for them and reform for them. Vampyr can eat human food but it’s empty. It does nothing to keep us alive. Just like a human can’t drink only wine or ale. You’re both cess and vampyr, so while you can do both, it isn’t wise. Trust when I say you’re most accustomed to blood.”

“You mean that I am both things. How? I don’t see how that makes sense in a place with such clear divisions,” I say and look back up at the portrait.