Page 40 of Of Shadows and Blood

“Wrong. I was incapacitated, Sawyer. Incapable of knowing truth from lie and you exploited that. Why didn’t Cedric visit me? Why was it you? Gods, I can hear how crazy I sound and the worst part is, I believe that we’re in a land of vampyrs. I’m not even the self that I thought I was.” I motion to my body.

“You’re right.”

Words catch in the back of my throat at his agreement. “I know I am.”

“And to answer your question, I don’t know, but I couldn’t lose the chance to have you. Even for the briefest of moments.”

Every memory passes by me from those two years. Two years of the both of us.

I ignore his comment. “Cedric said I was found nearly dead in a field. Tell me what you know about that.”

He nibbles on his lower lip. “The details are difficult, Liv.” He grabs my hand and I let him. “I’m not privy to my brother’s life in that way. What matters is that you are alive. You are awake.”

“I’m not thanking you for that.”

“And I wouldn’t expect you to.” His mouth twitches.

There’s no use in hiding my facial expression at that. “Right, so I’m awake and alive with no memory of who I am. Sounds like a great deal.”

He flips my palm and traces the lines slowly. My heart squeezes because the Sawyer I knew, the Sawyer I felt for, he’s gone. The man before me elicits nothing that I felt for his other self. Perhaps in a different life…

No, we lived that different life for two years and those two years were far from imperfect. I pull my hand from his and stand. I choose not to respond to the notions of romance and of our history, both in the past and in my dreams. It’s just not something I can handle right now. There are more pressing issues.

“I’m leaving,” I state, urgency rising in my voice. I already packed a sack of food to last myself however long. It’s perfectly nestled under a bush at the nearest entrance to the castle on the east wing.

“And then what?” His eyes find mine and I can feel the frustrated energy come from his body.

“And then anywhere, anything,” I stammer. “That is all.” I move to leave again but he keeps his hold on me.

“What if I wanted to come with? I meant what I said this morning,” he whispers lowly. “You need my help if you want to succeed.”

Bringing Sawyer with me would give me many advantages and perhaps the closure I so desperately need. My decisions are flying faster than I can think but desperation is a beast. “Why should I instill any morsel of trust in you?”

“You shouldn’t,” he quickly replies. “But I urge you to consider that we could help each other.”

The discourse I am internally playing out rules in favor of both options. He speaks true that I would get to a point in my escape where help could be needed. He has status and power, something that could tip the scale if I were stopped.

“Why would you want to leave?” I ask. “You are next in line for the throne. You would choose to leave that behind for the life I am envisioning, which would be similar to that in my dream state.” He fits in here, part or not. He is a prince.

Sawyer thinks, his eyes narrowing. “There are parts of me that wish to be free, Liv. I think you, of all people, can understand that.”

“Okay,” I breathe, nervousness building in my chest. “Gods may damn me but okay, we travel together until we find a chance to separate.” More people begin exiting the room and I peer out of the alcove for an opening. Based on their reaction from before, my presence would be noted.

I just hope my absence isn’t noticed for the next few hours. Enough time to slip away.

“We need to go now.” He grabs my hand and I let him pull me forward before we start running. It’s more of a light jog but my adrenaline wants to put me into overdrive. The carpeted stairs leading to the back entrance pad my steps. We slow down to walk past a few nobles engaged in conversation on a settee before turning a corner. There are no guards posted here, which is to our benefit.

“Hold on,” I whisper, leading us quickly to the bush. I pull from his grasp to retrieve the sack. Voices carry through the hall, some muffled by curtains shielding their passions in alcoves. I try to focus and sift through the sticks and leaves.

There’s no sack. “Where is it?” I whisper to myself, panic lacing every movement. The blood would have taken care of me had I needed it, but I was counting on switching my diet. Trying to eat like a normal person.

Not wanting to bring any notice to the moment, I quickly grab the dagger I hid in my corset and move. “Just in case,” I pant as we begin running again, towards the forest line. This isn’t the best route, but we risk more being out in the open. We have to make this quick.

Sawyer and I brush through the thicket and into the dense trees. Pausing to catch our breath, I quickly take in our surroundings. The forest is pitch black, any moonlight obstructed by the thick trees. The sounds of crickets and other animals interrupt the silence as I observe the various paths ahead of us.

We need to keep moving.

“Which way?” I ask, still heaving. This adrenaline is kicking my ass.