Page 45 of Of Shadows and Blood

“Yes, you scare me, Cedric. Oh, but let us not forget that you treat me as if I am nothing. Then you want to control me because you are in denial! Because you miss someone who does not exist any more. I exist. Liv exists! Am I just a ghost to you? Gods, I do not even know you – your basic self – and you insist that I do. Well, I don’t. Try being told that all you know of yourself, intrinsically, is a lie.” It is so easy to let the fire fuel itself, yet I keep going.

“You all minimize my existence. Yes, that is what you have done and are continuing to do. I want nothing to do with you. Release me. I want nothing to do with this court and this life. My brain is rotten. My memories are gone.” I take rapid breaths as tears pour from me. “It is painful, being here, not knowing what you all want from me. To heal, to heal, to heal. Avonde and the rest of her group say the same things but on what timeline? To what extent? What if Elivienne is gone and I am the shell she left when she almost died? I doubt I fit into your plans for a queen now.”

Cedric backs up, his boots almost catching on a basket.

“Yes,” I continue, my face hot with anger. “I am just a means to an end, a means to fulfill a purpose. You wish to erase me.” His face is solemn as he digests my fired words. He opens his mouth and takes a breath before responding.

“You may not like me or understand what happened to you. You may not remember anything – your life, your wants and wishes. I cannot change what has happened. Forget your purpose for me, for my kingdom. Do not sacrifice your health for the sake of being stubborn, for being angry.” He grinds his teeth, his jaw tensing. “You will not wither away and you certainly will not be running away. Look at yourself. You are unwell and truly mistaken about so, so much,” he adds.

I pluck the slicked hairs from my forehead and shift some of the duvet from my body. My body groans but I am burning up. We catch each other’s stare, both piercing. I have never hated someone more in my life.

But he is not just in my life. He is the damnation of it if I do not truly escape.

“Leave,” I grit. His presence is too aggressive, too much for this space. My space.

His eyes darken. “You will feed. If not for me, for yourself,” he orders.

I try to stop the maniacal laugh that escapes me. “Why are you so concerned for me? That is my question. I am nothing to you. Well, Liv is nothing to you.”

Cedric leans against the mantle, folding his arms. “You are nothing but a pain in my ass. And you will be nothing if this keeps up, Liv. You know not what you say. Feed or I will force you.”

I press my lips together, unwilling to back down in the slightest. The dagger under my pillow is warm to touch as I slide my fingers to ensure its place. It lightly tingles as my fingers close around the hilt.

It would take one swift throw and I could end this. Adrenaline floods my system as I consider the odds of this working out. Cedric’s brow quirks at my hand under the covers, as if he can sense my thoughts.

Can he?

“Leave,” I order again. The dagger sparks more intensely under my touch. I slide it slowly out from under the pillow, keeping it hidden beneath the covers. Cedric pauses for a moment, unyielding as I am. Finally, he straightens and turns his heel to exit. He pauses in the doorway, turning back slightly.

“You’re being evaluated again tomorrow, and I will force blood down your throat if you decline.”

The door shuts on his way out, my palms sparking as it latches.

Chapter 12

While the days are hot, a certain chill has filled my body, the tether to it frosted over. I am neither here nor there, yet my awareness slips each moment I participate in the village.

This morning I find my physical form slow but my mind sharp. Moving around the kitchen, scooping tea into a cup and trying to ignore the pang of hunger deep within is a task. Muffled words from outside the cottage startle me and I spill hot water on the counter.

“Your words of disrespect in regards to Liv are at best, just that, disrespectful. You would be wise to keep those thoughts to yourself.” Cedric’s voice is firm and deadly. Each word seems to hit their mark because someone replies back with, “Yes, Your Highness.”

Whatever caused this reaction only makes my anxiety rise when the front door spells open and Avonde steps through the threshold.

Trust is a fickle thing, after all.

I walk delicately into the sitting room, tea in hand, and take them in. The book I was reading earlier about botany and natural remedies lays face down next to a bowl of sugar cubes on a small table. I sip and nod in greeting to her and the group behind. Cedric hangs far in the back, his black outfit contrasting with the natural tones of the cess.

“I just need more tea,” I say.

Avonde and Cedric cast a look at each other that I cannot read. Perhaps they did not expect me so compliant, so calm.

Cedric takes a seat on the incredibly small chaise. After seeing him sparring yesterday, even clothed, it’s clear his physique is honed by years of training. Standing well over six feet, he looks awkward sitting on the floral seat, but he does not complain.

The kitchen acts as a place of escape for me, yet as the water begins to boil, I make a mental checklist of what I need to say, to do. My actions are being analyzed beyond compare. Let them see me untrustworthy but open to help. Let them see a broken girl, which is not completely a ruse, but let them also be blind to my discernment. I will not give in to this life so easily.

Avonde’s voice startles me from my thoughts and I spill some herbs on the counter. Did she hear me?

“I see you’ve found elys.” She nods to the tin. “Try it with some honey and a dash of nutmeg.” I make a quaint smile and turn my back to her. “We have made some developments in our understanding of your ailment since yesterday. How are you doing?” Vampyrs likely have excellent hearing so I know there are more ears in this conversation.