Page 21 of Ashes to Ash’s

“Or like your dad there, they’re easy as fuck.”

“Gray,” he hissed, shaking his head. “Ash, you direct what happens next, and from now on. You want one or both of them brought here, we’ll do it. If you want to hunt them down on your own terms, go for it. You do what you need to heal, no matter what it does to them.”

I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“Two days. Give me two days, and then I have to be the one to take them, but maybe you could back me up?”

Had I ever seen my dads so proud of me? Wasn’t it weird that it was only on a promise of kidnap and torture, that they suddenly saw the man in me? Or was it that they always saw him, but they were waiting for me to turn dark like them? Was I always that way though? I had no idea, but I knew this had to happen. It was only when they’d left me alone there, that the thoughts and flashbacks hit me again, and I curled up in the corner of the bedroom, and sobbed like a child. How could he do this to me?

Chapter Fourteen

Callum

I’d half expected Ash to reach out again, but for some reason I hadn’t blocked his number again. Was I hoping he would? Was I waiting to preach to him, like my uncle had done to me in the early days, when I’d struggled with my sexual correction? Did that mean it’d worked on him, and he’d already moved on? Did he not want to see me, even to talk about it? Why did that matter to me, when the whole point had been to push him away anyway?

“Going for a walk,” I yelled to my parents as I left their house, walking into the cool evening, before they even replied. It had been two fucking days, and I had no idea how he was doing. Should I have checked in on him? What if he’d had nobody to turn to after what I did to him?

In the daylight, I’d been able to convince myself that I’d done the right thing, that I’d healed him, just like my uncle and his group did for me. At nights though, that’s when I remembered just how it felt to lose that control of myself and my decisions, while someone else used my body for their own pleasure. I’m sure way more women have experienced that than ever should, but it had been for my own good, or so they’d said. Gay men don’t get into heaven. We’re punished forever in hell. We’re abominations. We’re just wrong. Every possible wrong.

I found myself back at that same tunnel below the motorway, and that’s when I realised I wasn’t alone. Someone was walking behind me, matching my pace, and staying too quiet. I didn’t turn around, but I hoped I knew who it was.

“Ash?”

Silence followed my word, but those steps moved closer.

“Well, why would he follow you after what you did?” That wasn’t Ash! I turned to meet the angry face of his dad, the dark haired one he looked so much like.

“Shit! Mr Cross.”

Someone else was loping up behind him, and that’s when I realised that approaching person also wasn’t Ash. It was his other dad. The scary one with the crazy eyes. I was about to die. I could see it in their eyes.

“I… I’m sorry. I did what I had to. I did what he needed to fix-”

“He wasn’t broken, and he didn’t need to be fixed!” His dark haired dad roared at me, and that’s when it hit me; the absence of Ash. Why wasn’t it him? Where was he?

“My god, is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay!”

“Were you okay after your go on that bitch?” The blonde dad asked me, and that’s when I slumped, when my little remaining strength left me. They knew. They knew all of it, but did they understand? Did they realise just how fucked up I was because of that shit they’d drilled into my head my entire life? Even confusion was something to be punished. I’d had to survive. That’s what this was. Survival. And it was all for nothing.

“Are you going to kill me?” They both advanced on me, and I started backing away, even though I was pretty much resigned to my fate. I deserved it for what I did.

“Are we, Dory? Are we gonna kill the little asshole?”

The other dad smirked. “Nah. Ash wants that honour for himself. Run, little church boy, or you die tonight.” Fuck!

I turned and started running, even though the route I took was leading me right into a desolate area with a forest walk in one direction, and the canal on the other. No matter who planned to kill me, I could tell I wouldn’t win. And I knew I didn’t deserve to.

Ash

It was delicious, watching my dads threaten him, watching him turn tail and run, and heading right in my direction, like he didn’t realise he was running to his doom, rather than from it.

Just keep running, baby, this is your one and only shot at freedom, before I make you my toy forever, or at least for as long as I decide you get to live.

I was hiding in the woods to the left of the path, because somehow I felt that was the route he’d take. I grinned to myself when he came this way, and why did he? My dads started running along the canal path, forcing him to come towards me.

He was breathing fast, his breaths practically whining in his chest as he drew level with me, although I was hidden among the trees. I stuck my leg out, fighting the urge to laugh when he went flying, and crashed hard onto the branch strewn ground a few feet from me.

“Fuck!” he yelled, struggling to his feet as rapidly as he could.