Page 21 of Honest Boys Don’t Play

My shoulders droop with my exhale. “Because you saw how my parents reacted. How my mom still wants me to get back together with Tommy and how they talked about you and…” I bite my bottom lip, fighting back tears. “I guess I’m terrified of you thinking less of me because of them, so I avoided you … again.”

He stares at me for a long moment and I will myself not to squirm. “Bertie.” He shakes his head and plants his hands on his hips. Inhaling a deep breath, he says, “You do not need to feel embarrassed because of them. I didn’t, not for one second, think that it reflected badly on you. They are their own people, and you are separate from them. You got me?” His eyes hold mine, making sure I’m listening. I give a tiny, jerky nod. “Their actions are not a reflection of you. You remember what you asked of me?” I shake my head no. “You made me promise that our baby would never feel unloved by us, and fuck Bertie … it pisses me off that you’ve ever felt like you weren’t loved by them. You deserve so much better than that. And the fact that you made me promise that shows how different you are than them.” I sniffle, wiping beneath my eyes with the oversized sleeves of my sweater. “Don’t ever feel that way again. Okay?”

I give a teary, jerky nod.

This man is constantly seeing me at my lowest and somehow, he hasn’t run away screaming yet. I don’t deserve him, but baby or not I would be crazy to let him go. While I’m not sure where I stand on wanting to call us a couple yet, I do know that the chances of me ever meeting someone as incredible as him is slim.

“Never be afraid to talk to me,” he goes on, reaching for my hand. I let him take it and his warmth soaks into me. “I’m never going to judge you.”

“Thank you.” I squeeze his hand.

“No more avoiding me from now on.” He gives me a small smile, a dimple popping out on his cheek.

It’s not a question, but I answer anyway. “I won’t.”

Sobering, he asks, “You didn’t have any doctor’s appointments this week, did you?”

“No.” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “I would’ve told you if I did.” He gives me a serious look and I laugh. “I mean it. It’s not until the end of April. We still have time.” I give his hand a squeeze.

“Okay.” He seems to breathe a little easier. “I really want to be here for you, Bertie, and when you go radio silent on me it … it makes me twitchy. I worry about you and the baby.”

I lower my head in shame. I hadn’t even entertained the idea of him being worried. Ignoring his texts and any place I thought I might run into him on campus was rude and I feel like shit, even though I know he’s not trying to make me feel bad.

“I’ll do better,” I promise. “I’ve just been…” I flounder for an explanation. “All of this has kind of messed with my head and it’s made me turn inward. If it makes you feel better, I haven’t even been confiding in Rosie like I normally do.”

“She really hasn’t.”

“Rosie!” I groan when I turn and find her poking her head into the open archway.

“Oops!” She quickly scurries away.

Face flaming, I grumble, “I should’ve known she was eavesdropping.”

“I was too! Don’t blame, Rosie!” Daire’s voice booms from a distance like he’s just run away.

“So meddlesome.” I can’t help but laugh. “I love them, though.”

With a serious expression that I’m not used to seeing on Luke’s handsome face, he says, “You can’t keep shutting me out, B. It’s not fair.”

“I know.”

“I gave you your space because I thought you needed it, but I was worried about you.”

“I’m sorry.”

And I really am.

I hedge saying anything at all, but I figure honesty is the best policy. “I used to not do this—run away and hide my feelings, but Tommy … he said I was too emotional and that I blabbered and that was why we fought so much because I couldn’t learn to just keep my mouth shut and I guess I don’t want to do the same with you.”

“With me?” His eyes have narrowed to deadly slits.

“Y-Yeah,” I stutter. “I don’t want to scare you away with all my feelings.”

A pained look crosses his face. “Bertie, your feelings don’t scare me at all. In fact, I want them. Any thought that pops in your head you want to share? Give it to me. I’m asking for it. Tommy was an asshole who didn’t deserve you. I hate that he ever made you feel like your thoughts and feelings aren’t important.”

“I’ll try to be better,” I promise.

The warmth of his hand wraps around my wrist and he tugs me in to press a kiss to the top of my head. “That’s all I ask.”