Page 46 of Honest Boys Don’t Play

“Of course I want to go.”

Sadly, I know that once the hockey season starts my time with her and the baby is going to become limited. It’s especially sucky considering the baby is due right around the time preseason begins and I won’t be in the position to take time away. I want to soak in every moment I can, while I can.

“Okay. I’ll double check the date and let you know.”

I pass her the Sprite I picked up from McDonald’s and hand her some napkins. Unpacking the brown paper bag, I sort out the sandwiches between us—hers is simple with just lettuce and mayo, while mine also has onions, mushrooms, and extra meat.

“Rosie wouldn’t stop talking about the baby shower.” There’s a smile in her voice. “She’s put a lot of thought into it.”

“I can tell.” I unwrap my sandwich. “She even has a theme.”

“We Can Bearly Wait,” she laughs. “It’s cute. She doesn’t have a lot to work with since we don’t know the gender.”

“Do you want to know?” I ask since there’s something in her tone I can’t quite decipher.

Her cheeks redden. “I said I didn’t want to, but mostly that’s because I was scared of having a boy and … I don’t know.” She presses a hand to her stomach. “I don’t feel so scared now. I think a boy would be okay. A girl seems easier since I’m a girl, but…” She trails off with a shrug.

“We can find out at any time if you want.”

She bites her lip. “I’ll think about it.”

We eat in silence for a few minutes. “We haven’t talked much about what you want to do,” I hedge. “I know none of this can be easy on you—the baby, moving to Nashville with me and I just want to make sure your wants and needs aren’t getting lost among mine.”

She wipes her fingers on a napkin. “Nashville isn’t a selfish choice you’re making.” God, she reads me like an open book. “It’s necessary for your job and it makes the most sense for us to stick together right now.” She reaches for her drink and takes a few sips.

“I know,” I say, before she can speak again. “But we haven’t really talked about what you wanted to do before you got pregnant. Do you want to get a job in Nashville? Do you want to move somewhere else eventually? These are things we need to discuss.”

She bites her lip. “I know it sounds terrible, but I didn’t really have much of a plan before. I was just going to figure it out as I went. While this whole mom thing terrifies me, I’m even more terrified by the idea of not being with the baby. I know it’s asking a lot for you to support me, but I should have access to my trust fund by then anyway. I want to stay home with the baby as long as I want and if I decide it’s not what I works for me long term then I can figure out a job and childcare.”

“It’s not a lot to ask,” I insist. “I’m more than happy to take care of you and the baby.”

“Luke—”

“I mean it, Bertie. I know you worry that you and the baby are some kind of burden to me, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. I know we didn’t plan this, but I’ve always wanted to be a dad, and I’m excited. I see it as a privilege to take care of you both.”

Tears shimmer in her eyes. “You’re too good for me.”

I shake my head. I don’t voice it, but she’s wrong. I’ll never be good enough for her. No one can. Bertie deserves everything and I know I can give it to her better than another man can, but it still won’t be enough.

“I care about you,” I say by way of explanation.

I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her, maybe have been since freshman year, but I know if I admit that it’ll send her running far and fast. Bertie needs a careful approach and I’m patient and willing to show her that I’m not going anywhere.

“Oh.” She jolts suddenly. In the next instant she’s yanked up her t-shirt and grabbed my hand. “The baby’s moving.”

I press my palm to her skin, holding my breath and hoping to feel the baby this time.

Bertie lets out a sound of annoyance and pokes her stomach with the hand she doesn’t have over top of mine. “You were just moving. Now come on, do it again. I refuse to let this be another let down.”

She gets quiet and continues to press her other hand in different spots on her belly.

“Maybe the carbonation will get them going again.” She takes a few sips of her soda. “Oh! Did you feel that?”

My mouth falls open and a flurry of emotions explodes inside me. “Holy shit.” The baby gives another sharp kick against my hand. “Wow.” I’m helpless to the tears spilling down my cheeks. “Bertie this is … magical.”

“It’s crazy, right?” The way she’s smiling at me has me wanting to lean in and kiss her, but I know she’s skittish and the last thing I want to do is spook her.

“Insane.” I feel a smaller movement against the edge of my fingers this time. “This is the coolest thing I’ve ever experienced.”