Page 97 of Honest Boys Don’t Play

It doesn’t take long.

“Everything looks perfect.” She flicks the gloves in the trash. “Any questions for me?” I sit up, letting my legs dangle. “It’s okay,” she encourages. “This is a safe space.”

“I … uh … this is embarrassing.”

“Trust me.” She waves away my concern. “I’ve heard it all and then some.”

“I just wanted to know if I’m safe to have sex.”

“Oh, of course. As long as you’re ready, everything looks perfectly fine to me.”

I play with the blanket on my lap. “Oh, good. Okay, yeah, that’s good.”

She gives me a kind, understanding smile. “Just because you’re all cleared to have sex, doesn’t mean you have to. Wait until you’re ready. Sometimes it’s more of a mental hurdle than a physical one.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Take care, Bertie.”

I quickly dress and check on Rory. He’s perfectly content, looking up at me like I’m the crazy one for checking on him and disturbing his peace. He’s not even two months old and already judging me.

After leaving the doctor’s office, I head over to a nearby shopping area. I’m craving an iced coffee and shopping. I’m not sure if shopping counts as an actual craving, but it feels like one. I haven’t been getting out much, which is my own fault, and since I was forced to come out today, I figure I ought to make the most of it.

I park and transfer Rory from his car seat to his stroller and tuck the diaper bag into the compartment below.

“Are you ready to go shopping with mama?” I ask.

Rory gives a yawn in response.

“Am I already boring you?” I tease.

The coffee shop is right ahead of me, and once I have an iced vanilla latte in hand I feel like a whole new person. I stop in a hand soap store first, picking up a few bottles for our place. Next is a baby store and I’m unable to resist buying a few new outfits for Rory. One of my all-time favorite stores to shop in is at the end of the strip and a part of me wants to avoid it at all costs, but I also need a few new pieces. My postpartum body is rounder than I’m used to. My hips wider. It’s been an adjustment getting used to this new body. I don’t look exactly like I used to, and while that’s entirely okay, it’s also something I’m adjusting to.

“Be brave,” I mutter to myself.

I open the door and push the stroller inside. Pop music plays from the speakers, and a woman is there almost instantly asking if I need help. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her no, I’ll be fine on my own, but I hesitate.

“Actually, I do need help. I just gave birth a few weeks ago and most of my clothes either don’t fit at all or they don’t fit correctly and I’m tired of wearing the same loose pants and sweaters I did when I was pregnant.”

“Do you mind if I put you in a dressing room and pull a few things for you?”

“Not at all.” I sigh in relief. Normally, I would never dream of allowing someone else to pick out clothes for me, but right now I’d prefer the decision-making capabilities be taken from my hands.

“Let me get you set up then. I’m Lina, by the way.”

She takes me back to the dressing rooms and brings me a bottle of water before she asks about styles and colors I like. She takes various notes and promises to be back soon.

Rory dozes peacefully in the stroller. I’ll feed him after this, probably when we get to the car, and then head home.

Lina returns with various clothing options and tells me her thoughts on styling them before she leaves me alone to try them on. Not that I’m expecting her to fail, but I’m not expecting much, so when I put the first outfit on and fall in love with how it looks on me, I’m more than a little surprised.

I try everything on, only nixing a black lacy skirt that’s not my style and one she said she threw in as an outlier anyway.

“Is there anything else you’d like to me to get for you?” she asks.

“No. I’m going to purchase these and stick with this for now, but I’ll be back.”

When I leave the store, there’s a slight pep in my step. It’s incredible what a little retail therapy can do for your mood.