Page 112 of Let’s Be Real

“I wanted to explain why I was with Josh tonight.” Her voice dropped, contriteness spreading between her words. “After all you did for me…I’m sorry, I—”

“Don’t. You don’t need to apologize for saying the quiet part out loud.”

“Okay.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I was hoping you’d try to understand me.”

“Why? Have you ever tried to understand me?”

She swallowed hard but had nothing to say.

Taking a deep breath, I turned back to her. “I wish you a lot of luck. I think you’ll need it. But maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll be as happy as Mom is with Dad.”

We both let that settle heavily between us. Our parents were the farthest thing from happy. None of us would ever consider them a loving couple. But they stuck with each other through every miserable year, and I didn’t see that changing.

She threw up her hands with a sigh. “Maybe I’ll be miserable with him. I don’t know. It’s just…being on the outside is the worst feeling. Mom has been angry with me since I left Josh before the wedding, and Dad has made it clear how disappointed he is in me. I thought I could start fresh and stand on my own two feet. I was doing well, actually, then Decker and Georgia had their baby, and I…I was lonely, Sam.”

I shook my head. “He’s going to do it again.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Why wouldn’t he? You’ve forgiven him for sleeping with your best friend. The only thing more egregious than that is fucking your sister—which will not be happening. So the next time he screws a coworker or the nanny or your neighbor, you’ll be able to say, ‘Well, at least it wasn’t my best friend.’ And when he knocks up a stripper during a boys’ trip, are you going to take that kid in and hate her too?”

“Sammie, that’s—”

“If you say it’s far-fetched, I’m going to scream. You’ve chosen to attach yourself to a replica of our father.”

Her jaw worked as she stared me down. “I’m not like you, Sam. I can’t be on the outside.”

“It isn’t like I like it out here. I wasn’t given a choice.”

“Well, I was,” she cried. “Mom and Dad told me I was on my own unless I tried to forgive Josh. What was I supposed to do? I’m not built to be the black sheep. I can’t skip through life by myself. I don’t have an Adrian Wells to lean on. If they turn their backs on me…”

“I would have been there.” I slapped my hand on the counter, more frustrated and sad than angry. “I was there, Kelly. I took you in, no questions asked. I sat on the floor and let you cry on me after our brother had his baby, even though no one even thought for a second to tell me. That gutted me, but I was there for you anyway.”

“I know. I know, Sam.” Her eyes filled with tears. And damn her for looking so pretty when she cried. “I’m a bitch and an idiot. That was unfair of me. I didn’t even think… You’ve been really good to me. I didn’t even realize how important you are to me, but you are.”

I could not let that in. If I allowed myself to fall for those words and how good they might have felt to believe, I would have bent backward for her and found a way to make all this okay.

And it wasn’t.

None of this was okay.

“I’m important to you as a backup plan.” I flicked my hand at her. “If this doesn’t work out with Josh, you want me here to fall on. Will I hear from you if you get your happily ever after? Will I get an invitation to your next wedding?”

“If we do get married, it’ll be small…” she whispered.

I nodded sharply. “That’s what I thought.”

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“I didn’t need to.”

I’d always pictured my family as a tether—something that kept me from drifting too far away. A safe harbor. Now I finally understood I’d been wrong all along.

My tie to them was a noose. Every forgotten invitation, every holiday I’d felt like a guest, every jab reminding me I wasn’t quite one of them, every time I’d convinced myself next time would be different—they were all another knot. Another pull to tighten the loop around my throat. Another inch stolen until it’d been so long since I’d taken a full breath it almost knocked me on my ass when I did.

But as my chest inflated, freedom rushed through my veins.

This wasn’t going to keep happening. I would not allow it.