Page 39 of A Vicious Love

Cowardly, because it made the problem his rejection instead of my fear.

Father, I’m scared of him.

That one never made it past my own mind.

I pressed my forehead to the cold window and tried to imagine saying it aloud. My father would go still. My mother would hear about it by morning. Lawyers would become involved.

Crow contracts would be pulled out of vaults. Jamison would be told.

Jamison would know I had called him frightening.

He was frightening.

Everyone knew that.

But men like Jamison were allowed to be frightening when it made other men obey. Women were expected to find a graceful way to live beside it.

So I said nothing.

I built courage in tiny, useless pieces.

One night, I wrote the question in a notebook and tore the page out.

Another night, I stood outside my father’s study for six minutes and walked away when I heard him laughing on a call.

Another time, I opened my mouth at breakfast, looked at my mother’s perfect posture and my father’s absent face, and asked for more tea instead.

Then a black box was carried upstairs by one of the house staff while I was stretching my ankle on the bedroom floor. My mother followed it in, eyes bright with the kind of interest she usually saved for jewelry and leverage.

“It’s from Crow styling,” she said.

Crow styling.

Great.

The lid lifted to reveal black tissue paper sealed with a small gold Crow crest. Beneath it was a dress made of pale champagne silk, elegant, with a structured bodice. Tiny black beads had been sewn along the cuffs and neckline in a pattern like feathers.

It was beautiful.

My mother touched the fabric. “It must be for the launch.”

“What launch?”

She looked at me as if I had forgotten something obvious on purpose.

“The Crow business launch tomorrow night. The private one.”

“There was already the hotel launch.”

“This is different. The west wing. Private gaming floor, investor suites, rooftop restaurant.” She smiled a little. “Crow men do enjoy making one event into six.”

I sat on the rug, my ankle band in my hands.

“I didn’t know I was going.”

“You are engaged to Jamison Crow.”

I looked at the dress.