Page 10 of Your Pace Or Mine

I take the pan out, nearly burning myself because I’m too distracted, then put the food on a plate and laugh ironically to myself about how sad my mom would find this lonesome single guy meal. At least I have real vegetables and it’s not a frozen dinner. I put on a light jazz mix and enjoy my meal for one.

As I’m clearing away my dishes, my phone pings with an email from Ashley, returning the paperwork with some revisions. It ends with “Okay Bash, let’s do this!”

Got your message. Thanks! I’ll review the revisions. But no one calls me Bash these days.

Ashley:

I do.

I probably shouldn’t read too much into a happy face emoji, but it fills me with a sense of reassurance that I haven’t totally fucked this thing up. Not yet, anyway.

With Ashley on board, it’s time to focus on my own part in this crazy plan. I took some photos for my profile a few days ago, but I’ve been at a loss on what to post. After dinner, I sit down with a decaf espresso and open the documents Cleo sent me reviewing the media landscape on dating. Then I go down an internet search rabbit hole looking at relationship commentary from men. I double check that I’m using a private browser because I don’t want to know what these searches will do to my algorithms.

My stomach sinks perusing the links. I knew some men were bitter, but wow. Apparently, no women are interested in you if you aren’t over six feet tall and making six figures, which is news to me because I’m shorter and broker than that, and I’ve never had any trouble finding companionship.

Some of the other links are focused on improving oneself, which is a worthy goal, but I’m the last person who should be giving life advice.

So, what do I have to offer? I’m just a guy with a charming smile and a string of one-night stands. For the first time, I wonder who the hell decided Sebastian Rossi was any kind of authority on the subject of dating? Oh wait, I did. Fuck me.

It’s probably not the greatest idea to reach out to Ashley given this morning’s mess, but I can’t help myself.

I know I roped you into this dating influencer thing, but I’m beginning to think I’m punching above my weight in doing it myself.

You? The guy who managed to successfully woo not one, not two, but three of the girls in our Stats 101 class?

I’m not sure that qualifies me to give relationship advice.

Oh God no. You?

Gee, thanks so much.

Focus on what you’re good at.

That will get my profile blocked.

Why did I say this so soon after our hookup?

Not that, you perv!

Remember how you used to give advice to the guys on our floor, obvious stuff like not wearing old sweats when meeting a girl, or what kinds of restaurants are better for dates. Stick to that stuff.

One would think grown adults don’t need that kind of advice, Ash.

Tell me you don’t know how low the bar is without telling me…

Noted.

We chat for a while, and the pieces start to fall into place. I have nothing to give in terms of relationship advice, but I’ve amassed tons of knowledge over the years about the balance of fancy versus informal dining on a first date, how to communicate expectations beforehand, what topics to avoid, and how to sidestep uncomfortable questions without looking like you’re in witness protection. I pull up a document and start making notes on my game plan. This might actually be fun.

Mr. Six Reel (with transcript)

Mr. Six appears on camera with a Toronto Blue Jays cap and Groucho glasses, in front of a bookshelf that displays a photo of the Toronto skyline and a framed print of the Single In The Six logo.

“Hello, everyone! Welcome to my page. You can call me Mr. Six. I’m a Toronto-based programmer and tech nerd, but I’m not here to talk about computers. This account will be focused on my experiences in the dating pool. I’m single and like to mingle, if you don’t mind the cheesy turn of phrase. I’ve been using this app to meet women in Toronto for the past year. I’ll be providing commentary about dating in the city, what tips I have as someone who goes out a lot, how to make the best of dating apps, and I’ll tell some stories—good ones and bad ones—about looking for love in Toronto.

“Now, I know there are a lot of guys online with so-called dating tips, but having perused some of their content, let me be clear: I’m here to chat about the scene, not to complain about women or promise you the secrets to getting ladies in bed with you. This is intended as a positive space for all genders and persuasions. If you just want to rant about why someone won’t sleep with you, better to scroll on by.

“But enough about dating. I’ll tell you a little more about myself. I’m a straight guy in my early thirties. I like the finer things in life: good coffee, excellent cuisine from all over the world, and nights on the town. I grew up in the Greater Toronto Area, and I currently live near the waterfront.