Page 62 of Your Pace Or Mine

Miss Midtown comes on screen with several vases of flowers around her. Her smile is huge and looks somewhat forced.

“Hi everyone! I’m Miss Midtown and I’m here to celebrate spring! That’s right. Warm weather is here, the trees are budding, and we’re emerging from our winter hibernation.

“What kind of romantic outings are you looking forward to doing once hot days are here again? I love to hike and run, but I also can’t wait to do the beach, maybe go to Canada’s Wonderland when it opens. There are so many fun outdoor activities that could make a good date night, like lawn bowling or theater in the park.

“It’s time to change up my closet, bring the shorts and sundresses out of storage, and get ready for romantic walks down the boardwalk. It can’t come too soon.”

Comments:

All I want is some drinks on a patio. I can see it now. Please summer, come soon!

Not me. I’m all about the hygge life. Once the summer hits, I’ll be hanging out in air conditioning with whoever will join me there.

Are you okay? You seem kind of down. Sending love!

NINETEEN

SEBASTIAN

The day of my father’s visit arrives faster than I expected. His frequent texting lightened up in the last week. To my surprise, I kind of missed his check-ins, but he was busy arranging his travel plans. By mid-afternoon on this late April day, I’m checking the airline website to see if his departing flight left on time when he sends me a text.

Dad:

Sorry Sebastian, I can’t make it after all. Work and life came up, and I canceled my flight. We’ll catch up another time.

What the hell? I rearranged plans for this, and he couldn’t even tell me a day or two earlier? What was so important that he bailed on his kids at the last possible moment?

I reply, trying to force myself not to jump to conclusions.

That’s too bad. What came up?

I got an onslaught at work, so that’s been busier than anticipated. Also, Aimee and I split up last week, but I met Sandy and we hit it off. She’s a real free spirit. Next thing you know, she’s decided we needed to go to California instead so we’re en route to San Diego today. We’re waiting on our connection in Dallas. Sorry to disappoint, but I figured you’d understand!

I get it now. Aimee was the one who wanted to get to know me, and now that she’s out of the picture, he’s on to the next love of his life. It’s the same old story. I hear my mom’s voice echo in my head. He rushes in headfirst, then loses interest. That’s the way he is about everything: relationships, jobs, hobbies, parenting …

I knew this, but I got my hopes up again. Idiot. Just like when I was a kid and he promised to come to my birthday party or take me on a weekend trip—there was always a new job or a new woman or he’d bought a motorcycle and needed to test it out with a road trip instead.

I thought I was over being disappointed now that I’m an adult, but here I am again on this roller coaster. The worst part is that he seemed genuinely interested in my work, proud of what I’m doing. I thought he wanted to get to know the real me, not just throw the ball around in the yard for a while. What a chump.

What’s with the comment about me understanding? Because I’m a player, as fickle as he is? Or because I let him do this every time and give him the understanding he doesn’t deserve? I can’t riddle out whether this is supposed to be a comment on how naive I am or if it’s his way of saying that I’m the same.

Usually, I’d let it go. That’s our routine. He promises and doesn’t deliver. I pretend it doesn’t sting. Lather, rinse, repeat. But I’m tired of this, and I can’t do it one more time.

I’m sorry too. I was looking forward to catching up and I was stupid enough to think it would be different this time, but I’m always secondary to the next shiny thing, right?

Hold on, son. Life happens. There’ll be another time.

I don’t appreciate you calling my girlfriend a shiny thing.

I roll my eyes and don’t reply. He phones and I let it go to voicemail because I know how it would go. He’d make it sound like I was making a big deal out of nothing. In Dad’s world, everyone is too needy or too emotional or too serious. I don’t feel like engaging with this right now.

I send a quick text to Sarah to check whether she got the same message that he sent me. She’s been unsure how to feel about Dad’s visit, which I get. She got even less of him than I did as a kid, but she’s also much younger than me, young enough to still believe people change.

Did you hear from Dad?

Sarah:

Yep. Surprise, surprise. I should have known this would happen.