Page 29 of Don’t Be A Stranger

I pull her closer. So close that she’s now in the same spot she was seven months ago. Right on my lap. Summer’s hand balls into a fist in my shirt, holding on to the fabric tightly. She doesn’t seem to care that my shirt is wet and sticky.

I pull away but only enough to let my lips travel over her cheeks, down her neck, her chest, her shoulders—any part of exposed skin I can get to. One of my hands moves from the side of her face to reach down between us, and I rest my hand on her breast, squeezing the flesh.

I’d love nothing more than to take her gorgeous dress off and latch my mouth onto her breasts. I know she’s not wearing a bra. I’ve been able to tell all night. The number of times I had to fix myself through my jeans tonight was ridiculous.

I don’t even know what I’m doing. I’ve had one singular handjob, ever. And it was with my ex from high school, Vivianna. But despite not knowing a damn thing, I do know that this feels right. That she feels right.

I’m assuming—and silently praying I’m right, despite not being religious—Summer feels the same because her hips grind into mine and her breath hitches against my skin. A groan escapes her lips and she tries to cover it by pressing her mouth to my shoulder.

“I think about you all the time,” I admit against her skin. “Every single waking moment,” I whisper while nipping at the skin on her neck.

“Every dream I’ve ever had…” I desperately need her to understand that her existence takes up most of my thoughts.

I’m in a complete daze. I feel like I’m in heaven or floating around. I’m not thinking clearly at all. All that consumes me is her. Summer is the axis in which I revolve around.

But…that’s all I can give her.

I can give her my love, my attention, my everything and yet she’s only going to deserve more.

Your life is small, Jaejoon. Don’t you want more?

You’re a background person, Jaejoon. Push your way to the front.

More, Jaejoon. Try more. Try harder. Be better.

You’re disappointing us, Jaejoon.

My parents are my biggest enemies, but they also know me more than anyone and they’d agree that Summer deserves more than a small life, with small goals, and a small table of options.

Summer has always desired this grand life and I’ve been fine with being at least a miniscule part of it. Watching from the sidelines and being there when the stage lights go out. That’s my place in her life. Behind her, watching her shine.

“Wait,” I whisper against her lips. “Wait, Summer.” The words pain me. I want to take them back and swallow them. Act as if I’ve never uttered them at all.

Summer pulls back, blinking a few times to refocus her gaze. Like reality has hit her, she quickly climbs off my lap and I do nothing to stop her, no matter how badly I want to.

“I’m so sorry,” she pants. “I don’t know why I did that.”

My lungs are on fire and I’m not sure why my chest is hurting just from her apology. Why is any of this happening at all?

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry, Pretty Girl.”

Damn it.

This is not the first time that name has slipped out, but the way Summer flinches at it only reaffirms that it should never come out of my mouth again.

Summer looks away and that’s not something she usually does. Eye contact has never been something she’s struggled with but the rims of her eyes are glistening and I want to fix it. I want to tell her that I want her so bad. Tell her that I’m willing to be selfish and hold her back because at least I’d get to hold her at all.

“Summer.” I use her actual name this time. “Hey, look at me. Let me see those pretty eyes.”

And the way she looks up at me kills every part of my being.

If I could be more than I am, I would. Just for her.

“I don’t want to ruin anything,” I remind her. “I need you in my life. I’m that codependent.” I chuckle, trying to make light of this entire situation.

“I just think that our friendship means too much—”

She softly interrupts me. “And we shouldn’t risk it.”