Page 91 of Don’t Be A Stranger

River continues. “I don’t deserve anything from you but all I’m going to ask is that you listen to what I have to say. Then you can push me out the window after.”

I lean against the dresser, arms still crossed and barriers still up. I don’t say anything, but I don’t kick River out either and he takes the hint.

River lets out a sigh of relief and allows himself to sit on the very corner of my bed. “I know you probably won’t believe me, but I’ve loved you from the moment we met.” He doesn’t beat around the bush. Good. The sooner he leaves, the sooner I can go back to pretending that my chest isn’t aching.

“You’re just this warmth that I feel in my chest and no one else has ever been able to replicate that.” My breath hitches at River’s words. “There isn’t a moment that I’m not thinking about you. There hasn’t been a time that I haven’t been in love with you. You mean absolutely everything to me, Summer, and I’ve only ever wanted the best for you.” He laughs, unamused and self-deprecating. “No, you deserve more than that. You deserve any and everything you want but that ridiculous ‘thing’ I want is you, Summer.”

“And what if I said I wanted you?” I finally speak.

River has a pained look on his face. “That means more to me than anything. I’ve wanted to hear that for so long but, Summer…don’t we want different things?”

I don’t think I quite understand what he’s talking about. We don’t exactly think alike. We have small debates but I’ve always thought, for the most part, we were on the same page.

River’s voice shakes. “You want this grand life, Summer, and it’s not a bad thing. I want that for you too. But you want to make something for yourself and I’m just…stagnant,” he says, as if this is a fact. “I’ll only hold you back and I’m so scared of being something you end up regretting.”

Regret? How could I ever regret River? There’s never a plan in my future that he’s not a part of. Never a time where I think that I’ll grow tired of him or feel like he’s holding me back. If anything, he moves me forward. I know I’ll always have him in my corner.

River inspires me to be better. To want better. He’s not just some fleeting presence in my life, and I would think that after a decade of friendship, he’d know.

“You think I deserve better than you.” It’s not a question. It’s what he genuinely thinks. “What would better look like?” I ask.

“Would it look like someone who would offer me the shirt on their back—not because I needed it, but because I asked? Or someone who hates schedules but has memorized mine down to a T, just so there’s always at least one moment in the day that’s just ours?”

“Summer—” I cut River off.

“Does better look like someone who moved out to Ellingbrook with me just because I was scared of being all by myself? And would better be someone who looks at me and genuinely sees me? Brings out the better in me? Reminds me of who I am? I only feel truly myself when I’m with you, River, so if the lack of all those things constitutes as better, then no. I don’t want it. I’m perfectly happy with you.”

River clears his throat. He can’t bring his eyes to meet mine, so I meet him halfway and sit beside him on my bed.

“What if…” He hesitates. “What if you no longer want me around when you’re out in the world doing and experiencing all of these amazing things?”

I furrow my eyebrows. How is this guy so smart, yet so oblivious? “I’m sure you’re one of the very few people I would actually want around, River.” My smile is gentle. “You’re not a mediocre person. Not to me. You said that you see me as someone who is amazing, but I see you just the same way.”

I always have. Ever since we were kids. I guess I always assumed he knew that, but now I’m going to let him know any chance I get. “You’re not ‘average’ or ‘boring’ or ‘stagnant.’ You’re gentle. And kind. You’re funny and talented. And you’re my bestest friend in the entire world.”

I rest my hand on my thigh, palm facing up, welcoming River to take it. He does.

“We should make another deal.” River gently smiles.

That was the very last thing I was expecting him to say.

“No,” I groan, resting my head on his shoulder. “No more deals. I’ll admit it, okay? I was wrong and our summer arrangement was a stupid idea.”

He chuckles. “It was stupid but I mean it brought us here, right?”

I guess that’s one way to look at it.

“Alright, fine. What’s this proposition of yours?” I can’t ignore my curiosity.

River thinks about it for a whole half second, then he’s smiling at me and I want the sight tattooed on the back of my eyelids.

“First things first,” River begins. “I want to take you out on dates. Like official ones.”

“Okay,” I agree. “Then I don’t want to hide anymore. If I want to kiss you or hold your hand, I don’t have to wait until we’re alone.”

“That’s a good one.” He nods. “Then I want to be able to call you my girlfriend and in turn you’ll call me your boyfriend.”

Sounds absolutely perfect to me.