Page 110 of Forbidden to Fall

I wanted to bring it up, but what would I say?

Hey, James. What was that super-secret stare you and Lily shared at the parade?

I just felt…tired. Tired and upset that all of this was so impossible. Why did James have to go and kiss Lily? That choice had created all of this—Ryan’s pain, James’s departure from Autumn Ridge, our knotty situation, my worries about his persisting feelings for Lily.

Maybe I was mad at the wrong thing, though.

If James weren’t so totally and completely lovable, his return to Autumn Ridge wouldn’t have led to this predicament. I would’ve continued in my blissful post-James era instead of wallowing in this desperate need for him.

Which still made it his fault, technically.

Stupid perfect James.

When we reached Dom’s, we got out of the truck, and I headed straight for my car, a lump in my throat.

James jogged and cut me off. “Hey. Are you okay?”

I nodded because I couldn’t get a word out.

He didn’t believe me. I could see it in his eyes. “What are you going to do now?”

“I need to bake for tomorrow. So…sugar shack.”

“I’ll help.”

I hesitated. It was so nice of him—as usual—but I was a giant bundle of confused feelings. It would’ve been so much easier if he hadn’t been so thoughtful.

“See you there,” he said, getting into his truck before I could protest.

But he waited to make sure my car started fine.

And for some reason, I stewed over that for the entire drive to the maple farm.

He was so considerate and good, yet our relationship was being defined and determined by the one inconsiderate thing he’d ever done. This would all be so much easier if his big mistake had been shoplifting or holding up a bank—or if he wasn’t so impossible to hate.

I parked the car and took in a big breath before getting out. I needed to get it together. I had a bunch of cream puffs and blondies to make. I couldn’t afford to have my brain in la-la-land, or I’d end up adding too much flour or forgetting baking powder or something.

Baking was therapeutic, and I definitely needed therapy right now.

James had to pop inside to tell his mom something, so I walked to the sugar shack on my own, forcing my thoughts to the recipes. I knew them like the back of my hand at this point, though, so when James came in, closed the door behind him, and rolled up his sleeves, it wasn’t a plea for help measuring out flour that came out of my lips.

“Do you still have feelings for Lily?”

James had been tying his apron, but he froze. “What?”

“C’mon, James,” I said, my knees starting to shake. “It’s not a crazy question. The Ednas had a full conversation about it in earshot of me the other day. And I’ve noticed… something between the two of you. Call me fragile or precious or whatever, but even if there’s a way for us to handle this situation we’re in, I can’t—” I swallowed and took a breath. “This is hard enough as it is. You being in love with Lily just…isn’t a complication I’m willing to deal with. So, just tell me truthfully. Do you still have feelings for her?”

I was secretly impressed with myself for the calm in my question, especially given that the answer had the power to ruin me.

The way James was hesitating didn’t bode well, though. Not at all.

My stomach started to fold in on itself, and I looked away, blowing out a breath and putting a distracted hand to my messy bun. I couldn’t believe this was happening—or that I hadn’t even considered James might still be in love with Lily. He’d left Autumn Ridge after losing her. It didn’t seem like a huge jump to assume that had been from heartbreak. “Okay. Okay. That’s fine,” I tried to convince myself. “Better to know now than⁠—”

“No.”

I looked at him. “No what?”

“No, I don’t still have feelings for Lily.” The words were so firm.