Page 43 of Fate

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I shoot up from the ground, sweating and grasping the air, my breath coming in gulps. The dirt beneath my hands feels coarse, grounding me to the reality of being awake. I hate coming out of that dream. I need to breathe.

Easily stepping around a snoring Helia, I sneak a quick look before leaving the camp’s perimeter, watching the serene rise and fall of her chest. Finding a nice rock to sit on overlooking the valley, I watch the stars twinkle slowly in the dark sky, a thousand torches flickering in the night. The sweat down my back starts to cool in a moment of calm and night chill.

“Itho?” Helia’s sleepy voice drifts groggily to my ears. I scoot over on the rock, giving her room to join me in contemplation. She sits next to me, her warmth a bolstering comfort. “What’s troubling you?” Laying my head down in Helia’s lap, I continue to look out across the valley and to the sky.

“I visited Lunos. She seemed, weak; exhausted more like. As if she hasn’t eaten in weeks. I don’t think we have a lot of time left.” Shifting my body, I look up at Helia, sleep disappearing from her face as she listens to my tale.

“That’s troublesome. She is one of the more powerful members of the pantheons but if she’s weakened…” Looking up at my part-goddess guardian and lover, I can’t help to imagine how she feels about it all. She’s marching to her death for a goddess that cares little for her.

“Itho?” I blink. Helia just asked me a question. Looking down at me, she strokes the side of my face with a calloused, yet gentle hand. “Did Lunos say anything important to you?” Ah, right.

“She said that she wouldn’t be able to return to my dreams. That she needed all of her power, which I understand given her state.” A dull ache forms in my knees from laying on the rock, forcing a stretch. Helia purrs appreciatively at the sight, bringing a smile to my face. It fades as she falls back into being the commander.

“Well, it won’t take too long to reach the wildlands. Then it’s just a matter of reaching Askepollo. Maybe we can shave off some time if we cut into the barrens…if the priests can keep up…” Helia scratches her chin at that, thinking several steps ahead. I reach a hand to grab her face, tilting it down to mine.

“I’m not saying we shouldn’t rush, but leave that for the morning. For now, just be here.” Helia’s gaze softens away from the planning and tactics ahead. My eyes flicker across her face, just before Helia bends down and locks her full lips with mine. Tender and loving; the softness of unconditional care. Our embrace falls away as Helia leans up.

“You know, we haven’t talked about the other night.” We share a smile, heat filling both of us in memory. Helia awkwardly scratches her head, loose hairs swaying. “I want to check in and see how you’re doing with…” She gestures along my body, lacking the words, but intent clear.

“You know that I haven’t been with many people, and this was my first time as, well, me.” The backs of my fingers caress her cheek, my smile never wavering. “Believe me when I say, I have never felt that way before.”

“But I—” I stop her reply with a hand.

“Shh. You tried something, and listened when I didn’t want to continue. I think it’ll take time to know what works and what doesn’t.” The corner of my lip quirks into a knowing smile. “We’ll have to explore more. Repeatedly. You know, to make sure we’ve figured everything out.” Helia smiles greedily, hunger deep in her eyes, our unknown future cast to the wayside for the moment.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

THE NEXT DAY comes all too soon. Sore and tired, the growing ache in my knees threatens to stay for the entire day’s march. Tonight, I’ll just sleep. That sounds like a nice change of pace.

“Hey Itho! Long night?” Turning while we march side by side, I give Olena a blank look at her suggestive tone. Despite my body wanting to lay down forever, I can’t help but given in to her humor. We do have a lot to talk about, after all.

I look around and most of the warriors nearby are either focusing on the march or off chatting in their groups. None would be able to hear us. “Not quite. I mean, yes, but not exactly in the way you’re thinking. That was two nights ago.” A delighted squeal eeks out as Olena leans in, eager to hear more. “You are not getting all the details. No amount of pouting will help.”

She straightens, still smiling. Waiting.

“Fine! It was great; amazing actually. That’s all you’re getting!”

Olena punches me in the shoulder in celebration. A question seems to cross her mind, as her eyes turn thoughtful. “So, uh, not quite sure how to ask this but given that you’re a woman but weren’t born that way, how did you…well…” Heat roars to my face at such a personal question, despite seeing Olena blush just as much. I look around furtively, making sure no one heard her.

“Olena! You can’t just ask me that!”

Olena immediately apologizes, sincerity in her face. “I’m sorry Itho! I can only imagine how difficult it must be to navigate that and, well, we’re spear sisters. I figured if you wanted to talk about it…” Her voice trails off, guilt weighing her shoulders down.

I can’t stifle the stony sigh welling up in my throat. It’s not exactly something I know how to talk about. Even the chat with Helia last night beat around the bush. But Olena is right; out of everyone I had ever known, she would be the one to talk to. Well, outside of Helia. Resting a hand on her shoulder, I give a gentle squeeze.

“Don’t apologize. You’re right; you’re the only one outside of Helia I would talk to about it. You probably could have asked in a better way, but…thank you for caring.” Olena grins sheepishly, our sisterhood still intact. We walk for a time while I think on her question.

“You’re not wrong by the way.” Olena snaps out of the marching fugue state she had settled back into and listens with rapt attention. “I was pushing things off because I didn’t know how to…” I gesture toward my body, lacking the words. She understands though, nodding along. “I’m sure Helia was starting to get frustrated. But eventually I realized that nothing is guaranteed, nothing is a given. At some point, you have to take a leap. I thought we would figure it out in the moment, and we did.” Olena leans in at this, smug look plastered across her face, oblivious to the path in front of us.

“Sooo? How’d you make it work?” I half expect Olena to waggle her eyebrows like an old man, but no, she only waits for me with that smug smile still.

“Really?! Gods Olena, maybe you need to get laid.” Peals of laughter erupt from Olena, though, at my reaction or in defiance of my words, I’m not sure. The pines along the edge of the path dampen the volume of her joy. An occasional creak of a branch adds to the chords of Olena’s laughter.

Eventually, the rumbling of her shoulders calm to the point where she can speak. “Oh don’t worry about me, I have plenty of options. The priests all seem like good distractions.” Unbelievable. No, entirely believable. Olena looks forward once more, her laughing eyes turning introspective. “Do you plan on staying in the Spears?”

I trip on a piece of loose gravel, catching myself with my spear before making a complete fool of myself. What a question. I’ve been so caught up in reaching the end of this journey, reaching Lunos and possibly losing Helia, that I haven’t spent much time thinking about after.