Page 38 of Falling For Alaska

“Yeah, maybe, but they p-probably need help⁠—”

“Nah. Lots of backup came from the county, we’re good. You did great last night, by the way. Gotta admit, I was stoked having you as a teammate,” he confesses.

“Right back at you,” I admit with a half-smile, repressing a yawn.

“Come on, let’s go before you fall asleep on your chair.” He chuckles, and I follow him outside. My car is parked out front, somehow undamaged. As I make my way to it, all I can remember from the events of the night is how she looked at me before I left. When we were that close. It was like time stopped, and all I could think of was her cherry lips begging to be kissed until the damn radio snapped me back to reality.

“Fletcher told me he didn’t want to see our faces until tomorrow morning,” Jared shouts before sliding into his car. Good to know.

“See ya,” I get in my car and turn on the heater and the radio. As I drive back home, I hum an old song, evaluating the disasters along the road. Houses flooded, others with only a few scratches, broken trees, and a rain that never seems to stop. I never knew I’d end up liking Lakeside that much. Only I do. I really do. Yesterday I worked my ass off more than I ever did. I felt needed here, and the folks rewarded me with their blessings, thanking us as if I had always belonged here. It’s hard to picture myself going back to the buzz of the city in just a few months. Is it really where I should be? Couldn’t there be another way? Nah, I need rest. Can’t have a decent thought without sleep right now.

Tomorrow will be a new day.

Tomorrow, I’ll see Alaska.

Alaska

“So you guys are a thing now?” Matthew asks, scanning me from head to toe, like I’m wearing the evidence of a betrayal, of having connected with someone other than him. He always does that. Like being twins makes me unable to break apart from our original womb.

I bite my lips, “If you came to be hard on me, you… You better leave then. I thought you were here to help Dad with the tree,” I say, pointing at the tree in my driveway, rain pouring on us softly, the three of us in our raincoats. Dad can’t hear us, thank God. He’s looking at the tree, considering how to clear it from the road. He wouldn’t like hearing how Matthew talks to me sometimes. I never said anything because I don’t want to stir trouble, but I hate how he looks down on me. As if he always knows better.

“Whatever. I don’t like him. There’s word in town he got in trouble in his city and got sent here because of it,” Matthew says, putting his black hood on. “Trust me, Laska, stay away from the guy. I don’t want you near him.” Usually, I would let it roll, but for some reason, I’m defensive about Jack.

I nibble on my lower lip. “Just…just drop it, Matt. I told you I wanted to try to—” I sigh, stupid tears welling in my eyes just like each time I try to stand up to him since the accident. “I want to try to…to have a life again,” I state, the words said out loud sounding like a massive step for me. “I’ll never recover if you keep on pushing me down again. Being a victim, it’s,” I clench my fists, “it’s no way to live,” I say through gritted teeth, the words I’ve been told in therapy again and again for a year, even if they didn’t stick at the time. Six years later, I finally start to hear them again.

Matthew scoffs. “You’re not a victim,” he says coldly. I blink, the words hitting hard, my fingers turning icy with shame as I hold his gaze.

“Just-” I pause, fighting back the tears, “stop, okay? Go help Dad. I’ll be there in a second.”

“Why, you need to call your boyfriend?” he sneers at me.

“Matt!” I spit out, wiping a tear away. “Stop it, okay? Just let me live my life. I told you last time, I’m telling you again, drop it.”

“Whatever,” he huffs, then saunters to my dad, hands in his pockets. Matthew has always been this way as far as I can remember. Usually, I always let it slide. He’s my twin, my other half. Isn’t it normal for twins to be close? To share everything? People would always say we look so alike, and so I was brought into this world thinking he was the person I should aim to become. My mentor, my best friend. Only, we’re not what I think twins should be like. Close, but it isn’t by choice; it’s because he wants us to be close.

We used to share dreams because he chose the dreams that were okay for me to have. Which explains why I had almost no friends, since he had none. And from the look he gives me each time he sees Bella, I know he doesn’t approve of our friendship. As a matter of fact, even if she didn’t tell me so, I know she doesn’t like him either.

She calls him “Crazy Matt” behind his back, rolling her big, beautiful eyes.

“One day he’ll try to keep you all to himself and we won’t ever see you again,” she said once.

Droplets of rain wet my coat. Dad and Matt hurry next to the tree, tying a thick brown rope from my dad’s trunk. What will Matt do about Jack? Is that it, or will he try to keep me away from him? Possessiveness boils in me at the thought. How could I stay away from the only person who doesn’t look at me like I’m insane or too damaged to be fixed?

“Alaska!” shouts my dad, his voice reminding me of an evening by the fireplace. “Come here, kiddo. I think I’ve figured a way to move the tree to the side!” he says, lifting his hand to motion me to come close. I rush to him under the rain, mud soiling my rubber boots, trees shifting above us.

“You okay, honey?” he asks, one brow lifted on his warm face.

Fidgeting with my keys, I try to add more warmth to my voice, “Yeah, I mean, yes. All good, Dad,” I say, faking a smile. “Show me, I wanna help.”

“Alright, put your hand on the rope. I’m gonna go to the other side of it,” he explains as I follow his commands. It’s been a while since we’ve done something together other than watching shows on tv.

It’s nice.

Living is nice.

Maybe I should give it a try.

Jack