Page 59 of Under the Influence

She lets go of my hand, twirling into a big bedroom, “Why not?”

The smile on her face makes me stumble over my words, “I… I just can’t picture myself being a father.”

“Not ever?” she questions, confused.

I shake my head, “I don’t know. I don’t ever think about the future.”

“That’s depressing.”

I shrug, “It is what it is.”

My stomach flips watching her, and she’s absolutely gorgeous. How will I continue isolating her when she just radiates this nauseating positivity? People will realize it’s a sham, that someone like her belongs with someone like Carson. Not me.

She runs her fingertips along the windowsill, looking out over the water.

“You have a castle like this at home?” I ask, stepping behind her.

She laughs, “No. I lived at school. In a tiny dorm for two, barely big enough to turn around in.”

I cringe, “You lived at school on purpose?”

“Yeah, with all the rehearsals and classes, it’s better to be there 24/7.”

“Do you miss that?”

She pulls away from the window, like a turtle hiding back in her shell, “I did the right thing by leaving.”

“You act like such a badass here with me. Why not just tell them all to piss off?”

She nearly shudders, and I can tell she imagines what it would be like if she were still there. “Because it's my fault, and they’re right. It’s better if I’m not there, reminding everyone.”

Her confession pulls me back to reality. She slept with her best friend’s boyfriend. The girl I could’ve sworn had a halo hovering above her head is a fraud. She’s no better than Ethan Blackwood.

That’s one busted-ass halo.

She steps away from the window, heading for the door.

“It’s not gonna be any easier here,” I warn.

“So you’ve said,” she scoffs. “Yet here you are, pushing me down, only to pick me right back up.”

I can’t let her see that she’s my weakness, so I make sure nothing is around that she can get hurt on again and shove her back to the ground, stepping over her.

“Let’s go.”

CHAPTER

TWENTY

CARSON

When Crew called me worried about Nash and Cori, I instantly tried to call Nash, but he sent me straight to voicemail. Or his phone died. Either way, it’s annoying. I called Lainey to see if she could reach Cori and her attempts were also unsuccessful.

We all headed to Nash’s house to wait around, hoping that they’d show up, but after an hour, I decided to call Nash’s dad. So if my best friend isn’t dead, he’s gonna be pissed that I called him, of all people.

Nathan, Nash’s father, and his wife, Daria, stroll in an hour later, and Nash and Cori are still MIA. The frustration radiates off Nash’s father the longer his mother remains unreachable.

“This is what I’m talking about,” he whispers to Daria. “She can’t be a parent.”