Page 98 of Defy the Highlander

“While I appreciate that, I was with Cauley when he drowned,” Brody said quietly. “I tried tae swim with him, but he panicked. I couldna save him and save myself, too, so I chose myself. Hamlin… I hope ye can forgive me.”

Hamlin’s smile turned real and he took Brody’s hand. “I forgave ye the moment it happened,” he said. “I wish I could have told ye that before ye ran.”

Brody appreciated his mercy. It did a great deal to help him deal with the guilt he’d carried since that time. “Ye’re a good man, Hamlin,” he said, looking to the other men at the table. “The two of ye, as well. I’ve missed ye all.”

Hamlin squeezed his hand. “We’ve missed ye a great deal,” he said. “No one knew what had happened tae ye, least of all yer da. The not knowing… it ate at him, Brody. He was convinced ye hated him.”

Brody shook his head, feeling his guilt return. “I dinna want tae shame him,” he said. “Mayhap if everyone thought I was dead and gone… the object of their hatred would be gone. It wouldna reflect poorly on my da.”

Hamlin hesitated before speaking. “Ye should know something, Brody,” he said. “Yer da took the blame for the ambush. He told everyone that he ordered ye tae take the men. No one but those of us who survived know the truth and Uncle Arch swore us tae secrecy.”

Brody’s eyes widened in shock. “Christ,” he muttered. “Did he really take the blame?”

“He did.”

“Damn the man… he shouldna have done that. It was my fault!”

Hamlin nodded. “It wasna anyone’s fault,” he said. “That’s what I was trying tae tell ye. Ye were in command of a group of hotheaded Albannach who would have gone even if ye hadna disobeyed yer da. Uncle Arch knew that; that’s why he took the blame.”

Brody wasn’t happy about that at all. He sat there, his brow furrowed with distress, unable to articulate what he was feeling. So many emotions were running through his mind, not the least of which was horror.

“I canna let that go on,” he said. “That’s why I returned, lads; tae see my da and tae apologize tae him for what I did. Tae tell him that there hasna been a day since that the guilt of it hasna consumed me. I’ll tell everyone in Ledmore who will listen that it wasna his fault at all; it was mine. I canna let him accept responsibility for something that wasna his fault. How is he, anyway? Ye said there was sickness in Ledmore. Is my da well?”

Hamlin glanced at Dougal and Ramsey, who didn’t seem able to meet his eyes. With a heavy sigh, he answered Brody’s question.

“Uncle Arch was one of the first tae get the fever, Brody,” he said. “That was about two months ago. He was strong but, in the end, the fever claimed him. I’m so sorry, lad. He’s gone.”

Brody sat back in his chair, staring at Hamlin. He could feel Lilia’s hand seek his, squeezing it, but she wisely kept silent. She didn’t say a word. Brody didn’t say a word, either. He couldn’t. He simply sat there as the news sank in.

Tears formed in his eyes.

His father was gone.

“How… how long ago?” he asked hoarsely.

Hamlin’s expression was full of sympathy. “A little over a month,” he said. “My da has taken over as the clan chief. Brody, Uncle Arch fought hard until the end. Ye should know that. And he never stopped loving ye, lad. I dunna think he ever gave up hope that, someday, ye might return.”

Brody swallowed hard as tears streamed down his cheeks. The pain of grief was too much to bear.

“I did return,” he whispered. “But not in time. Christ… not in time.”

“But ye’re here now,” Dougal spoke up. “At least ye came when ye could.”

Brody dropped his head, staring at his lap, struggling to process the death of his father. The man he loved most in the world, the man he’d betrayed so badly. The guilt was consuming him, guilt that he let his father die without apologizing to him, without telling him that he loved him.

God, he’d been so stupid. He’d stayed away, wallowing in self-pity, uncaring of the effect it was having on his father. He’d only been thinking about himself.

Now, he was only thinking about his father.

I’m so sorry, Da…

“Thank ye for telling me,” he finally said, wiping at his face. “Thank ye for giving my da comfort in the end. I know he loved ye, Hamlin. He looked at ye as another son.”

Hamlin smiled weakly. “My da and I were with him when he passed,” he said. “He wasna alone, Brody. We were there.”

That threatened Brody’s composure again, but he fought it. There would be a moment for him to weep unashamedly for his father, but now wasn’t the time in a room full of strangers. When he was alone with Lilia, he would grieve his father properly.

“And I thank ye for it,” he said. “It means a great deal tae me.”