Page 106 of A Little Bit Uncertain

“Bennett?” He shocked me because he wasn’t exactly the early bird. “What are you doing here?”

“My favorite Audra, I’m so sorry this happened.” He carefully hugged me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but he’s not. I’m worried about him, B. Why are you here though?”

“Ah—well….” He never stuttered. “Just a little snafu here. It’s not a big deal, but two different people have shown up and claimed to be Donovan’s girlfriend. They’ve come up to sit here with him.”

“What the fuck? How in God’s name would you know something like that? What are strangers coming to sit with him for?” It’s not that I thought he was lying, but that seemed insane to me.

“Well, you know I’m good fuck buddies with one of the ICU floor nurses here, Molly.”

Ah, yes, I actually knew that he and Molly had a good time together. It was my hospital, after all, and this place was a gossip mill.

“I have no idea why people would do that,” he continued. “Nora Banaff is the one who came by last night, saying she was his girlfriend. Molly texted me immediately to question it because she had heard that it was you and Donovan who had caused the scene. I confirmed that it was most assuredly the two of you who were together. That’s when she told me that Nora was in the room with him, pretending to be his girlfriend. Although she was gone when I arrived, I sat for the remainder of visiting hours. I came back right when they opened this morning to ward off any other suspicious bitches, which was good because at 8:10, another one came. I didn’t know who she was, though, she looked young. Regardless, I’m just looking out for my friends. It’s the least I can do, seeing as this happened at my fucking bar.” He hung his head.

“B, this was inevitably going to happen. Theo was coming for me. Believe it or not, I’m grateful it happened at your bar because I had friends readily available to help. And beyond that, I’m so very grateful that you and Murphy took my advice and had those chest seals in your first aid kit. That saved his life. If it happened on a street, he’d be dead.” Speaking that reality into the universe was too heavy to comprehend. Chills followed by goosebumps erupted over my skin.

Bennett took a big breath as his hand rubbed down his face. Then he hit his knees to stand up.

“Hey, I’m going to take a quick walk, okay? Do you want anything?”Bennett had his own experiences with hospitals, so I’m guessing sitting in a room like this brought back some hard memories.

“Nothing for me, thanks.”

Before he exited, I called his name. “Bennett, thank you for being here. You’re coming back, right?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to run and grab more coffee, but I’ll be back to sit with you.”

“Thank you. Truly, Bennett. Thank you.” He left, and I positioned myself next to the bed, grabbed Donovan’s hand, and put my head down on his thigh. My throat constricted as I tried to hold back the tears, but as soon as the first one slipped out, the dam broke. My sadness, my pain, and my guilt soaked the hospital sheet. After a while, I just started blubbering to him.

“Donovan, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. We were supposed to come off the plane ready to give this a shot. Now you’re fighting for your life, and I only have a couple of stitches. It’s not fair. How could you forgive me?” The words tumbled out, just as fast as the tears. When I looked at him, so still, surrounded by the equipment, my insides recoiled. I did this to him, and there was nothing I could do to help right now.

I clung to his arm and continued, “You know, I never wanted to fall for you. I tried to push you away because I saw how easy it would be to love you. God, you are so easy to love, Donovan Wright, I’m so sorry the world ever told you otherwise,” my voice faltered.

“You told me you’d protect my heart, Van, in this life and the next, so I need you to wake up. I was skeptical, but now all I see are adventures and Magic 8 Balls, the backs of limos, butterfly gardens, laughter, our ridiculous games, the touch of your lips on mine,” I paused trying to find the words. “You can’t take that away from me. Now that I’ve had you, I don’t want to do this without you, Donovan. I know you can hear me right now. Wake up and fight for this thing between us that is just getting started. You called what we have between us once-in-a-lifetime, and I agree, I know I won’t ever find this again. I want our future.” And I put my head on the bed again while my body shook with emotion.

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I looked up. Bennett was back and had tears on his cheeks. He pulled a chair up next to me and wrapped both his arms around me, engulfing me in a hug as I cried, while he tried to hold it together. It reminded me of Donovan’s huge hugs.

“He’ll be okay, Audra. He will come out of this. I know it.”

“I love him.”

“I know. And he loves you, too.”

“He’ll hate me for this. For almost getting him killed.”

“The man could never hate you, Audra. And it was Theo who almost killed him, not you. I know the type of man that Donovan is, and he would protect you again without question, even knowing this was the outcome. Do you see the way he looks at you? There’s no way he’s not coming back to you.”

“I don’t want to be protected anymore. My mother was killed trying to protect me, and now he’s fighting for his life for the same reason. Why would anyone want to get close to me? Bad things happen because of me.” I knew the thought was irrational, but I couldn’t help it as I started to hyperventilate. I was so worked up that even though it made my incision sear in pain, I just couldn’t stop.

“Audra, my love, I need you to take a deep breath or I’ll have to wheel your ass out of here,” he said in a gentle, yet assertive voice. “I won’t let you bust your stitches or upset him. He can hear you, you know that. He needs you to be strong. When he wakes up and you two leave here, he’ll need a nurse who can take care of him, and he will need that to be you.” Then he swung my wheelchair around so I was facing him and placed my hand on his chest.

“Breathe with me,” he said as he took deep breaths in and out. I followed his lead and found myself calming down. When he felt I was calm enough, Bennett walked over to the tissues, pulled some out, came back, and blotted my eyes.

“There you go, love. Both of you are going to come out the other side of this stronger than ever,” and he wrapped me up again. “Now, he’s an adventurer, right? I want you to sit next to him and tell him about the things you want to see in this world, big and small. Just talk to him, no more freakouts, okay? Not right now, not in front of him. We can do that later when it’s just you, me, and my dog.”

I nodded at Bennett, appreciating my friend more than I could ever say.

“I’ll be back in twenty. You should tell him at least a dozen things by then and why,” he said, as he pushed my chair right up to the bed again so I could take Donovan’s hand.