Page 76 of Discovering Her Earl

“I do worry that had I not been drunk I might have laughed anyway,” he said hating himself for it.

“Why do you think that?” she asked, not reacting in any way.

“Not because you were laughable at all, but because at that time in my life, I was desperate for friends. My true friends were still in Scotland. I was alone and I wanted those despicable lords to accept me. My father thought they were acceptable and after spending my life with my father who never was satisfied with me, I might have felt obligated to laugh at Robert’s foolishness so I fit in with them.”

“And this bothers you?” she asked.

“Of course, it does. You seem to have forgiven me because I was inebriated, but I feel that is unjust.”

“You still want me to seek my revenge so your conscience will be clear?”

“You must admit, I got off rather easy. You should have given me a right thrashing.”

She crossed her arms and was even more appealing for her stern look. He wanted to kiss her until she cracked into laughter again. But he refrained.

“Very well. I will think on it and determine a proper punishment so you can finally let this go.”

“Hale and Kit didn’t arrive in London until after my father was gone.”

“They accepted you?”

“Without consideration. It was rather like it was with you. At least after you stopped hating me. But it is easy to speak to you. Actually, even easier than with them.”

“Because we know each other’s demons?”

“Perhaps.” He shook his head. “Actually, I don’t think it is because of what you already know, but because I feel like I want you to know everything.”

They stared into each other’s eyes, not speaking but sharing something that went beyond words and then she leaned forward and kissed him.

*

Lainey knew where this kiss was leading and she didn’t shy away from it. She wanted this with him more than anything else. She’s spent most of her life seeking adventure, but in her heart, she knew nothing she had seen or would ever see would touch her the way this man did when he looked at her the way he was then.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and whispered to him.

“Please, Julian. Show me everything.” She was unsure what exactly to ask for but was certain he took her meaning. He didn’t refuse or seem shocked by her request, but he did back away, a bit of sadness returning to his lovely eyes.

“Before this goes any further, I must tell you something. It is very important you understand.”

“All right. What is it?” she asked, worried about his seriousness.

“I cannot marry you.”

She stepped back and studied his reaction. She had not asked for marriage. Had not assumed or even hinted. But somehow hearing him make such a statement hurt.

She stood straighter, her common response when under attack. But she saw by the pain in his own eyes that he did not intend to wound her.

“It is not that I wouldn’t want to. My dead father threatens my most profitable properties if I do not wed a proper lady by my thirtieth birthday. More important than the money, are the mines I currently own. They would be turned over to a man who will surely put them back to the way they had been when I took over the title. It wasn’t safe. There were children working all day. Their homes were unfit and they barely had enough to eat. I can’t allow that to happen. Those people are my responsibility. Their safety and wellbeing are important to me. Which means I have to concede to his wishes.”

He let out a breath as if in defeat.

“I have until the end of May to find a wife. And not just any wife. My father has someone appointed to approve the woman I choose. I know my father’s definition of proper will be someone who has been training to be a lord’s wife her entire life.”

He shook his head.

Lainey suddenly felt as if something she had always wanted had been stolen away from her. But until he had mentioned marriage, she had not even considered such a possibility. Now, though, knowing it couldn’t be, she felt the absence immensely.

“I always planned to do my duty eventually,” he went on. “But it is being thrust upon me and I despise the blighter even more, and I didn’t realize that was possible.” He laughed sadly and shook his head.