Page 53 of A Daddy to Love

The room was full of more toys than I could name in a day, so I hurried back to the door and led us out to the hall. Grandfather’s rooms down at the end of the other hall were locked up at my order. So we didn’t go there. Instead, I took him to my room which was as big as the toy room with everything a boy could want, including my nighttime toys.

When we entered, Daddy walked ahead of me looking around.

I stood frozen in the center of the room. “So.” I cleared my throat. “This is me.”

“You.” The word came from him like a sigh.

I pointed where he was already looking. “That’s my bed.”

“I see.”

He was responding now but I still wasn’t sure what that meant. I went to the bed and pulled back the Shrek duvet. I showed him my Shrek sheets and pillowcases. Then I gestured up to the shelves over the bed. “Shrek and Donkey live right there. They share with my other favorite stuffies.”

“You must love that movie. How come we’ve never watched it together?”

His voice sounded normal. A surge of hope went through me. “I do love it. All of the Shrek sequels, too. Except I used to ship the princess with the pink dragon and Shrek with Donkey. Until when I was eleven one of my friends said it was bestiality and I was sinning.”

Daddy clutched his stomach, laughing.

Something inside me wilted. “Are you laughing at me?”

“No, with you.” He stopped abruptly. “But why all the secrecy?”

I bowed my head trying not to pout. “Don’t you know?”

“No. Is it about trust?”

Slowly, I nodded.

“Did you think if you showed me all this earlier I wouldn’t want you?”

“No. You might want me. But not really want me for me.”

He moved forward. “Oh. I think I understand.” He put his arms around me.

I stood very still, not reciprocating. I didn’t understand myself, so how could he?

“What do you think you understand?” I asked.

“You’re afraid because truth doesn’t always follow money, or maybe it’s the other way around.”

I backed up, hands still at my sides. Even now, I couldn’t look at him. “Are you mad?”

“Should I be?”

I scrunched up my face as I stared at my lime green carpet. “I think you should.”

“Tell me why.”

“Because I’m a scaredy-pants insecure little who can’t even trust someone who’s the nicest person ever. I’m bad and wrong for keeping this secret from you. That’s what you really want to say, isn’t it?” I stomped my foot. Tears came to my eyes. “I’m not your baby. Not really when I held all this back from you. You should unfriend me, thumbs down, frowny face.” I gasped to hold back a sob.

He crossed his arms. “Interesting way of putting it.”

Daddy was serious now. Which I knew made things worse for me. I’d fucked everything up so bad. Would I ever feel comfortable having friends over here who weren’t in my same financial bracket? Probably never. It wasn’t me being a snob. Never that. But my unwanted fears meant I’d remain alone because I didn’t tend to run in those circles.

“You can leave if you want.”

“I—”