Page 142 of The Bartender Special

“I can’t.”

His words were no longer soft. This was what he wanted Benny to hear. This was what he needed to say.

So, Benny decided right then and there to respect that.

He listened without complaint as Jack Knox said his bottom line.

“This—us—it isn’t good for you. For me. Not anymore. I’m sorry.”

Jack left.

It was over.

And, just like that, Benny realized he still had to keep on living.

He took his mic off and walked it to Marcus. His words came out fast and clear, each one shedding the weight of his most-guarded secret.

“The day I fell in love with you, I was sixteen and had convinced myself that my parents would have hated the fact that I was gay, so when you came up to me asked how I was, I had this idea that if you—the one everyone in town loved and idolized—accepted me, then maybe they would have too. So you became the first person I ever came out to and I’ll never forget what you said to me after. ‘Everyone’s hair gets wet in the rain, Benny. Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently.’” Benny laughed now. A quick burst from a memory that had cratered his panic in that moment. “It was so simple and stupid and perfect because, I don’t know, you were right. I wasn’t different just because of who I liked. I was just another idiot in the rain who forgot his umbrella. That’s why you became Guy, Marcus. That’s why I kept you with me all these years. Maybe… Maybe it wasn’t even really love. Maybe it was just absolute gratitude, mixed in with a crush on the guy who smiles more than he ever frowns.”

Benny took in a breath.

He shook his head but made sure to smile.

“I should have thanked you then and I should say sorry now. I made you the main character in a story you had no idea you were even a part of and, well, I’m sorry again.” Benny pushed the headset into his hand. “And thank you, again.”

Benny didn’t wait for Marcus to respond.

Instead, he went to the doors he and Jack had come out of.

Now they were opening.

Carol was convenient.

Instead of making him hunt her down, she was standing there.

Smiling.

She said something but Benny bowled right through it.

“You know, I keep trying to figure out why it is that you’re such an awful person, Carol, but honest to God, I have no idea.” Benny was loud. It helped that the building around them had gone silent.

“You’re a damn cliché, Carol. The popular girl who’s passive aggressive and controlling and smiles while saying the most hurtful things through her perfect teeth.” He pointed at her. “But, you know what, Carol? Like your brother said, you’re just another person who gets fucking wet when they’re stuck in the rain. You’re no more special than him, than me, than anyone in this town. So, why don’t you just live the life you actually want and let the rest of us enjoy ours? You don’t have to be this. You could be happy instead, you know? Hell, maybe one day you could even actually be interesting.”

Then it was Benny’s turn to leave.

No one called after him.

Not that he would have stopped.

The only person he wanted to hear had already left him behind.

TWENTY-FOUR

Benny was leaning against the kitchen sink eating ice cream when Cal finally came to him the next day. He’d given him and Ethan space while Benny had told his best friend everything that had really happened over the last two weeks.

And the epiphany of what he’d done with his life since his parents had passed away.

Ethan, ever loyal, had given him a simple nod.