Page 68 of No Good Fight

“No, Ryder. I really don’t think you do.” Her hand tightens around the article, bending the plastic sleeve in a way that has my teeth on edge. “Because if you did, you would understand why this feels like a trap even though part of me knows you didn’t mean it that way.”

The words cut because they’re true.

I keep my hands at my sides. “I didn’t keep them to trap you. I would never do that”

“Then why? The real reason why.”

There it is. The question I knew would come the second she saw the box.

I look at the article in her hand because looking at her face might make me reach for her, and that is the last thing she needs from me right now. “Because I didn’t know what else to do with the lifetime I’ve spent wanting you.”

The room freezes.

Alex’s lips part, but she doesn’t speak.

“I knew I didn’t deserve you,” I say, forcing the words out before I can choose something easier. “You were Josh’s sister. You were younger. Then you were with him, and after that, you were trying to survive getting away from him. There was never a right time to tell you the truth without making your life harder.”

“So you kept tiny pieces of me instead.”

The way she says it makes my throat burn, because she knows every single truth I’m trying to hide behind.

“Yeah,” I answer. “I kept pieces. Articles. Photos from family parties and group activities. Things that made me feel like I still had some distant place in your life without asking you to give me one.”

She looks down at the box again. “That sounds lonely.”

“It was better than losing you completely.” Because if I had her, even once, I knew then like I know now, I’d never be able to walk away. And Alex? She’s always had the power to destroy me.

Her eyes come back to mine, and I know before she says anything that I’m not getting comfort from her. I shouldn’t. Not for this.

“You don’t get to turn me into the only thing keeping you from being lonely,” she says quietly. “I can’t be consumed and taken over by another man’s life. Never again.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

I nod once, even though the answer feels too simple for the mess I made. “I’ve stayed away, Allycat. I knew that what I am…is no good for you. I’ve known it since I was sixteen and moon-eyed over my best friend’s little sister.”

Alex looks at the box for another long moment. Then she sets the article back inside with careful hands and lowers the lid. She doesn’t shove it away. She doesn’t throw it at me. I have no idea what’s going through her head, and that makes everything worse and better all at the same time.

“I need coffee,” she says.

I guess we’re done talking about it, but she didn’t run screaming. “Okay.”

“And space.”

I step back immediately. This is it. My worst fucking nightmare coming to life. And all because I told her the truth.

I fucking knew it.

Her eyes flick to the movement, the tremors that have to be taking over every nerve in my body at this point.

I need to leave. To get away from her before I break.

She sees it. She sees everything when she’s scared, and maybe when she isn’t. “Not forever,” she adds, voice tight. “Just right now. To process.”

I make myself nod again. “Take whatever you need.”

Take it all. Take everything. Just don’t leave me.