Page 535 of Manhattan Bossholes

“Like I said, he shit the bed. Now he needs to figure out a way to fix it.”

It felt like the two of them were doing an intervention for me, and I understood why Christopher had reacted so badly to this three years ago. When someone you love tells you, point blank, that you’re fucking up your life, it’s painful. It forces you to see all of the things you’ve done wrong in the harshest light, and reckon with your shortcomings.

“Honestly, I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“And why not?” Christopher asked.

I glanced between my brother and Julia, feeling prickly. I could barely be honest with myself about my feelings, how could I possibly tell them? But I was trapped. I wasn’t going to just walk away from my brother, no matter how awkward the conversation got.

“Relationships…” I paused. “Someone always winds up hurt. I mean, look what Amanda put you through.”

He nodded. “Yeah, but she wasn’t to blame for everything. I wasn’t a perfect partner. And get this…humans are resilient. Look at me now.” He shot Julia a shy glance and she blushed.

“Yeah, but being with Natalie made me take my eyes off the prize. I lost my focus at work.”

“Did you really?” Christopher asked pointedly. “Because what I saw happening were the highest sales numbers the company has seen in more than a decade, along with new creative directions.”

I frowned. He was right: Natalie brought out the best of me at work.

“Well, the family stuff. I…I missed important signs…with you.”

“You absolutely did not,” he said quickly. “I will not let you take the blame for something I went through. You’ve always been there for me, so stop saying ridiculous shit like that. And I don’t know what warning signs you think you should have seen. It wasn’t like there was some big buildup. I just heard the news about the baby, and I snapped.” He furrowed at me. “You want to know what I think? I think you’re afraid. Afraid of being vulnerable. Of relinquishing control. I think you’re petrified of love, James.”

Anger coursed through me. How dare he? I wasn’t afraid of a goddamned thing!

“It’s okay to be scared,” Julia said in a quiet voice. “You just can’t let it stop you from finding happiness.”

I gripped my empty mug so tightly I worried it might shatter.

Damn it.

I’d worked hard to bury any lingering feelings for Natalie, but all it took was a brief conversation to dredge them up. But then again, no one knew me like my brother. It wasn’t a surprise that he could find my hidden pressure points.

“I know this feels like an ambush, but I know what’s best for you,” Christopher continued.

It took me a second to catch onto his dumb joke. I gave him a half-smile. “Knock it off.”

“Never.” He leaned over and punched my arm. “Not until you figure out how to win her back.”

I let out a long sigh, staring at the table because I couldn’t bear to meet his eyes. “Even if I wanted to, I don’t think it’s possible. I really hurt her. She wants nothing to do with me.”

“Unsolicited woman’s perspective?” Julia offered cautiously. “You have to at least try. Come up with a heartfelt apology and give it one last shot. I think you owe it to yourself to go for it. You owe it to both of you. Otherwise, you might wake up ten years from now and realize that you gave up on the best thing that ever happened to you.”

Ten years from now? In a flash I saw a different version of my future, one that included waking up next to Natalie every day. Kissing her whenever I wanted to. Loving her, now and always. My heart constricted, and a painful feeling of loss coursed through my veins.

“Dude.” I could feel Christopher staring at me. “You really look like shit. Let’s walk. You could use some vitamin D.”

We headed out onto the sidewalk, squinting in the bright sunshine. Christopher and Julia strolled a few steps ahead of me, giving me time to process my thoughts. I watched the way they settled into step with each other, arms around one another’s waists, their strides perfectly in synch. I felt a knot in my stomach as I watched them.

I needed to stop lying to myself, because I wanted that.

I’d had that.

And I’d fucked it up.

But what if Julia was right? Maybe I could convince Natalie that I was so incredibly sorry for what I’d done to her.

Maybe I could help Natalie see that we belonged together.