Page 19 of Doubting Hearts

Toby watched me with swollen lips and emerald eyes that looked as if they wanted to ravish me there and then.

“Don’t hold back,” he muttered fiercely. “I want to feel you inside, and I want it rough. I need this.”

I nodded, feeling as if all my prayers had been answered. I shivered. “Are you cold? It is getting a bit chilly.” Toby reached up a hand and ran it along my arm.

I shivered again. “Not cold, no. It’s you. You’re doing this to me.” I laved my shaft with lube and moved over him. “Pull up your legs. I really need to feel you.” My voice was trembling as Toby moved, positioning his legs comfortably, and I pushed at his entrance, sliding in slightly, not wanting to hurt him. He growled.

“I told you, Rain, no Mr. Nice Guy. Just push in all the way. Now.”

I couldn’t argue with a demand like that, so I did as he asked. I slammed into him with the force of everything I’d been holding back, hearing us both grunt as my balls hit his arse, and then I drew out and slammed in again. He felt so right, so incredibly hot. He tightened his muscles around me as I thrust in and out, both of us finding a rhythm that suited, as his hands dug into my hips. I leaned in and kissed him on an in- thrust, grinding my mouth against his with a passion I didn’t think I’d ever felt before, even with Tommy. Toby kissed me back fiercely, his mouth doing more incredible things to my entire body.

“God, you feel incredible, Rain. Just keep going.”

And we did. The cool night air brushed against our skin, the hay scratched where the clothes had come loose, and small insects probably nipped at our flesh, but still we fucked on top of a haystack in the middle of a farmer’s field to the sound of “Smoke and Mirrors.” It was the most incredible feeling to be fifteen feet in the air, as the soft night breezes touched our skin and the incredible tightness around my cock that was Toby took my breath away.

He watched my face, his eyes never wavering, as if he was trying to imprint me like a baby duckling and its mother. I stared down into his eyes as he smiled at me gently and reached up to slide a hand through my hair.

“You feel good,” he whispered. “So good.” I moaned at the tenderness in his voice, kissing him fiercely. His incredible tongue reached into my mouth, slicking against my palate, causing me to push even harder into him. It was a medley of heat, wetness, smooth skin, and the sounds of flesh meeting flesh. Toby’s fingers gripped my hips, forcing me deeper as he shifted slightly to accommodate me. I felt heat flooding my groin and the familiar tingle in my backside and thighs.

Toby tightened around me one last time, and I gave a shout and emptied myself into the condom, my body shuddering with the intensity of my orgasm. My heart beat crazily, my balls virtually crept into my groin, and I tingled as if I’d been delivered a high-voltage shock, my skin prickling and tingling from the aftermath. I groaned loudly and collapsed on top of my warm man. His strong arms went around me, holding me in place. For a while, there was no noise other than the night birds and a rather strange beeping sound from somewhere underneath the clothes.

I frowned. “What’s that noise?”

Toby sighed drowsily as he buried his lips against my neck, nuzzling like a puppy. “It’s my phone. The battery’s gone flat.” He grinned. “You can only fuck so long to Gotye, you know.”

I rolled myself off him, careful not to overshoot the side and go hurtling fifteen feet to the ground. I nipped off the condom and tied a knot in it, then placed it on the shirt above his head to take later. Toby snuggled in as we lay on our backs, looking at the night sky. There were hundreds of stars out, bright, twinkling, and I sighed contentedly.

“Was this a good idea, then?” Toby asked softly. “Doing it on a haystack out in the middle of nowhere? I have to say I think it’s one of my best ones ever. That was incredible, Rain.”

I kissed his nose. “Baby, this was a great idea.” I brushed a loose curl of hair from his eyes. “And thank you for letting me, you know, be on top. I appreciate that.”

Toby shifted to his side and propped himself up on an elbow to look at me. “What happened?” he asked softly. “Only tell me if you want to. I’m not prying. I just thought you might like to talk about it.”

I hadn’t talked to anyone, not even Lucas, about what I’d experienced seven months ago. It was a pretty sordid mess, and the less I thought about it, the better it would be.

“Just a party that went wrong,” I said curtly. I wasn’t ready to tell that sorry story yet. I was still too ashamed.

He nodded. There was silence for a while; then he spoke again. “Did I ever tell you I was a foster-care kid?”

I looked at him in surprise. “No, you didn’t. But then we haven’t really had the chance to talk much. Why were you in foster care?”

He lay on his back, his eyes raised to the sky above. “My dad died when I was born, and my mum brought me up. When I was ten, she got pneumonia and died. We were already living in sheltered accommodation, so they put me into foster care. I had no other family.” His voice was matter-of-fact, no self-pity at all in it. I felt a surge of sadness for him.

“Hell, Toby. My mom and dad have since moved back to Durban for the warmer weather, but we still keep in touch. I have an older brother, Nick, in Cape Town. I can’t imagine what it’s like not to have a family. Do you remember your mum at all?”

He nodded, gazing up into the starlit sky. “I remember some stuff. Her name was Claire. She was a little woman, all skin and bones, but she could hug well enough.” He smiled. “I fell over and skinned my knee badly once when I was just a toddler, and she scolded the pavement and gave me a big hug that made me feel safe. She looked after me as best as she could. We always had food on the table and a place to stay, even if it was council housing and crowded shelters. Then she died.” I heard the sudden flatness in his voice, and I shivered. “She got a cold, didn’t look after herself, and she ended up in hospital. I was there when she died. They had to pull me away from her body because I just wouldn’t let go. She was all I had left.”

I sat up, shocked. “Jesus, you were just a kid.” My heart filled with compassion for this little boy who’d watched his mother die. I couldn’t even imagine the anguish that must have caused. I reached out, taking his hand, stroking it gently.

He shrugged. “I went into care, bounced around a bit until I was fifteen.” Toby’s voice was distant. “I couldn’t seem to settle down with any one family. I think I had about five. Then I ran away.”

Again I felt shock surge through my body. “Hell, Toby, how did you survive?” I was dreading the answer.

He shrugged. “I was a pretty streetwise kid. I got myself a job at a bar washing glasses, doing the dirty work, and managed to make a little money.”

“Where did you live?” I asked curiously.

His face tightened. “I lived in the pub, with the owner.” His tone didn’t lend itself to any more questions. It was a warning, a sort of “stay away from this one.” I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly what the rent had been. I felt sick at the thought.