Page 130 of Fall Over You

“It was so scary,” she hiccups. “A big chicken got you.”

I laugh as I stroke her hair. I think of the irony that her dad was being a big chicken last night and that hurt me, but probably not as bad as whatever happened in her dream. “Those ol’ chickens can’t do nothing but claw me every once in a while.”

“Where’s Daddy?”

“He’s not feeling very good right now, but I think he’ll be feeling better tomorrow. But I’ve got ya tonight. How about,” I turn to grab her bedside water cup, “we have a sip of our magic water and make our girl bed? We can do anything when we’ve got girl bed. Come here, T.”

I pat the bed and T-Bone jumps back onto the bed. I hold Ellie and grab a tissue to dry her tears. We pet T-Bone and I sing Pussy’s song, plus the little nonsense one Ellie sings to T-Bone all the time. I get her settled to lie down again and kiss her forehead. Before I can say my usual goodnight, Ellie beats me to the punch.

“I love you, Mama.”

I swallow hard, trying not to cry and worry her. Because I’m not sad at all. My heart is full to bursting. She loves me.

“I love you too, lil mama. Always. Every minute of every day.”

She hums and nestles closer to T-Bone. I barely make it into the hallway before I start bawling. I lean back against the wall and slide down until I’m on the floor.

I’m her Mama. I didn’t birth that little girl. Someone who was once my best friend did, and though my feelings about CJ are complicated, I couldn’t be more grateful for the gift of Ellie. Ellie loves me like I’m her mom, and I’ve never felt so full. I’m so out of it that I jump when Tyler’s arms surround me. He’s next to me on the floor, crouched so I can rest my forehead on his shoulder.

“I heard, baby,” he whispers. “I heard on the monitor.”

He smells sour, like anyone who spent a night at the bar does, and I’m still not thrilled with him, but we deserve to celebrate this moment together.

“I’m Mama,” I stammer out over my tears. My crying streak has been broken and then some, but for once, I don’t feel like I need to be tough.

“Yeah,” Tyler says with a bright smile. “You’re Mama. She loves you.”

I nod and cry harder. Tyler uses his thumbs to wipe my tears and plants a kiss on my gross, wet lips without even flinching.

“We love you, Mama. So much.”

I crawl into Tyler’s lap and he shifts against the wall to make room for me. I straddle him and hang myself over him, letting him stroke my back and tell me how loved I am. I cradle his head to mine and we stay like that for a while, soaking up the moment. I finally sit back and swipe under my eyes.

“I didn’t know this would be part of getting a bank loan.”

Tyler laughs and kisses me again. “I think somebody told me love doesn’t always come in the package we expect.”

“That’s for damn sure,” I joke. “What time is it anyway?”

“Around five.”

I groan. “It’s gonna be a long day.”

He nods. “Can we go talk? Since we’re up?”

“May as well.”

We stand and go back to my bed, sitting to face each other. Tyler watches me cautiously.

“I’m sorry, for several things. For scaring you by not coming home. For showing up drunk. I don’t want to be the guy who has to apologize for being drunk.”

I shrug and chew my lip.

“I’m sorry for being an asshole. It’s hard for me to let you put yourself in situations that seem dangerous to me,” he continues.

I open my mouth to object, but he holds up his hand.

“And I know you’re good at running your business. You’ve made so many families in this valley happy, and that’s not something I can say for my own business. People usually see me for not fun reasons.”