Page 54 of Fall Over You

My heartbeat is so insistent that it thrums in my ears. My voice feels like it’s too loud when I speak. “Yeah. Probably a good idea.”

I’m a little scared of what’s going to come out of this conversation. I don’t know if I can handle any more revelations like we had last night. I’m still processing it all. I believe Becca about what really happened between her and CJ. Even though I tease her about being a good liar, I think she’s a whole lot more honest than CJ was. That had its own effect on me, though. It’s hard for me to trust anyone, much less someone who would be as intimate as a partner.

“So,” Becca says, popping up to sit on a stack of floor board packages, “what’s been going on the last few years? What did I miss?”

I snort and she lifts a shoulder. “I mean, besides the obvious.”

“Besides the obvious,” I start, “not really much. You know CJ and I started renting that house when she got pregnant, but after she left . . . I didn’t really want to be there anymore, and El and I could make do above the shop without rent.”

“Yeah, I get that. I was still living with Mamaw and Dusty until Ronnie moved in. Got too crowded. Moved in with Stone. When that ended, I floated for a little while. Darcy came into my life as everything was blowing up, and she was there for me.”

Another misconception I had about Becca goes belly-up. I assumed she was out living it up. I knew from when she tried to talk to me after CJ left that probably wasn’t the case. It was a convenient lie to tell myself, but an injustice to Becca. She suffered too. She lost her best friend.

“Darcy seems like a really good friend,” I say. “And Jake’s great too.”

“I’m glad they’re around. But, yeah, I’ve just been trying to get this place going. Plenty of adventures to be had here.”

“I bet. What’s your favorite thing about farming?”

Becca smiles, and I’m struck by this side of her. After hours Becca doesn’t wear makeup and looks really cute in sweats. I know she’s tired, because she’s not as witty as usual. Her guard is down, and there’s something cozy about it. “Well, I love my girls—the chickens, that is. And of course it’s nice to grow things you can eat. But I love the flowers most, I think. It takes a lot of planning, but it gives you a lot to get excited about. Helps get through winter too, knowing what lies ahead in spring.”

I realize I’m wearing a genuine smile when I see my reflection in the window. I like hearing Becca talk about what’s important to her. “I love that. You’ll have to show me which ones you like best.”

“Well, right now is probably my favorite time. I’ve got these marigolds,” she holds up her hands to show me the size, “about as big as dinnerplates. And there are still plenty of zinnias and cosmos showing off. In high summer, it’s just hot. Now there’s more to appreciate. There’s not a color I don’t like.”

“You say all these things like I know what all those flowers are,” I tease.

Her cheeks go so pink that she reaches up to touch them. “Oh, right. Sorry. Went a little into special interest mode there.”

“Don’t be embarrassed. I like hearing what matters to you.”

Becca’s eyes get a little sheen to them, the blue so bright it makes my stomach dip. “Really?”

I know my chest is red as hell right now because I’m being real with her, and being real is scary. But I’m not lying. “Really. I want a garden tour. I gotta see all these flowers. Hopefully soon, because I usually get home so close to dark.”

“Yeah. Sorry you have to work so much,” she says. “So, Ellie, the garage. How’s your mom?”

I sigh. “Fine. You know how she is. Always trying to get me and Dad to go to church. I fear she’s trying to find a mom for Ellie.”

Becca guffaws. “Did you tell her you only accept wife candidates with adequate collateral?”

I grimace. “Yeah, I don’t know if I’m going to tell them that part.”

She levels me with a look. “Your dad will believe you just randomly were able to hire someone else at the shop?”

“I think you underestimate how little he questions in life.”

“Fair. Alright, well, I have my nerd garden and my line dancing. What do you do for fun?”

My jaw clamps together. “Haven’t had much time for that kind of thing. Being a dad is pretty all-consuming.”

Becca nods, her next question quiet like that made her really sad. “What do you want to do?”

My lips curl up and I point at her. “Don’t laugh at me.”

She mimics zipping her lip.

“If I had the time, a rec league baseball team might be fun.”