Page 60 of Black Ledger

No man would ever trust me to have his back in a battle if he knew. My job, my role, everything was affected, and the truth would ruin me. But if I did nothing…

It would ruin me too. So the question became, did I trust Severin enough to hold this secret?

As I stared into the well of his blue eyes, I knew. I’d trust him with almost anything.

“I can’t be touched.” I rubbed my face and turned away. “Will you touch me?”

“Wait.” He blinked. “You want me to what?”

My hands trembled, and I slid them into my jeans pockets just to try and stop it from happening. “I need you to touch me.”

“I can’t do that, Xeniya.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.”

“You fuck a new girl a week, Severin.”

“That’s different.”

“I don’t want you to fuck me or want me.” The words scraped my throat on the way out. “I just need to be able to tolerate someone’s touch, and I trust you.”

His throat bobbed, but he said nothing.

“Please,” I begged. “I need this.”

He ran a hand down his face. “Fine.” He let out a long, exasperated sigh.

I stepped back over to him and stopped right before my knees hit his. He remained seated, and one of his hands reached out to grasp mine, but just before his fingertips touched my wrist, he stopped—hovering so close.

“Please,” I said, closing my eyes, my whole body rigid. When the pads of his fingers grazed my skin, I flinched. “Keep going.”

He ran his fingers up my arm, all the way to my collarbone, and I held my breath, every muscle in my body hard like granite. But he didn’t move any farther; he’d completely frozen.

No. He couldn’t stop there.

My eyes shot open. “Don’t stop.”

He stroked a finger up the column of my neck, and I shivered. My chest rose with quick, shallow breaths as his other hand found my waist. I jolted, and he stilled. I forced myself to remain beneath his hands.

Every muscle in his body looked tight enough to snap.

You can do this, Xen. You can handle this. Just stay in control. And I did.

“Continue,” I said, my voice strained, but it was starting to feel a little better… I thought.

“All right.” He spread his legs and pulled me by the waist against him, my torso becoming flush with his.

My body went rigid.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.” My voice was unsteady. “Please, don’t stop.”

His hands stroked up my waist in answer. I held my breath, but it was okay. This touch was okay. Severin paused just before my breasts and searched my eyes. I nodded, and he caressed his hands up the sides of them until he reached the uncovered curve of my cleavage. His fingers danced along the soft flesh there.

I trembled, but this time not from fear.