Page 80 of Heartless As Puck

Earlier, it had been easier to say no to him. Now, with the reminder of how it felt to be surrounded by family and my fear that perhaps this thing between Austin and me wasn’t what I’d hoped it might be, there was a small part of me that wanted to say yes.

But I knew what I’d lose if I did that.

“I care about Austin,” I whispered, darting a look over my shoulder to make sure he wasn’t within hearing range. “It’s horrible what happened. I hate it. But I worked hard to make my life here, and I’m not going to give it up or let him pay the price for something we did together.”

I might not like the solution that Gus had landed on, but I couldn’t deny that I should play a role in fixing the situation. We were equally responsible for the trouble we found ourselves in.

Dad looked at something behind me, and I turned to follow his gaze.

So much for being careful.

Austin stood in the doorway, staring at me, and he looked a whole lot less convinced of my words than I was. My heart squeezed and my stomach dropped. His expression made me nervous. It reminded me that I didn’t actually know where his heart lay and that just because I was prepared to fight for us didn’t mean he was, too.

TWENTY-THREE

AUSTIN

“Maybe you should go with them,” I said dully, hearing my voice as if from a distance.

Her forehead wrinkled with confusion. I didn’t know why. Her parents were right. They could protect her better than I could. I hadn’t even really stood up to my steamroller agent earlier.

“Everything you were worried about has happened,” I continued, my gut twisting with self-loathing. “It’s obvious that you’re miserable, and I’m sorrier than you can believe for bringing this down on you. If you want to stop being hounded by the press, then the best thing for you to do is separate from me. That way, you won’t have to do the interview.”

Even saying the words took a lot out of me, but perhaps Gus had been right that it would be kinder to her to end things.

She flinched, her eyes full of hurt. “Is that what you want?”

“I think maybe we should leave you two alone for a while,” Delia said, starting to usher Pete, Hazel, and Alec out of the kitchen before remembering that things were still in the process of cooking. She hesitated. “Actually, maybe you two should take this somewhere private.”

I led Jane into the living room, where I sat on the couch. I had hoped she would take a chair, but instead, she lowered herself down right beside me where there was no way I could escape the temptation of touching her.

She just had to make this as difficult as possible when I was trying to do something right for once.

“Is it?” she demanded, looking straight into my eyes.

I grimaced. “It doesn’t matter what I want. I’m trying to put you first, like I should have done in the beginning.”

Her lip curled. “Putting me first should mean listening to what I want, not just assuming you know what’s best for me.”

I… couldn’t argue that. She was right. She deserved the respect of having me listen to her. But I still couldn’t pretend not to notice how much harm the situation was causing her.

“What do you want? Because I know it’s not to drag your parents to a fundraiser and speak at a nationally televised interview.”

She flinched but didn’t deny it.

“What if we pretend to break up?” I suggested. “Maybe people would leave you alone then and the interview wouldn’t be necessary. I could do the fundraiser by myself, and we could figure out how to still see each other once it’s blown over.”

A muscle in Jane’s jaw ticked. “No.”

The word was firm and clear.

My heart slammed against my ribcage. “I don’t want to hurt you, Jane. You’re upset, and I know Gus’s suggestion hurt you. It might even have made you doubt me.”

She didn’t refute that, and my chest ached. How could I prove to her that I saw her as more than a convenient tool for the advancement of my career?

“I don’t…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I don’t want to lose my position as captain, but you’re more important than that. I want you to be happy. I can’t fail you. I couldn’t handle it.”

Suddenly, she was right in front of me, her body close to mine. “Open your eyes.”