Page 55 of Smoke and Glitter

"It should be."

"Then say it."

I wait. God, I wait, but I'm met with silence.

"Give me something," I say, quieter now. "Boyfriend. Girlfriend. We're together. We're seeing each other and it means something. Pick the wrong word and let me hate it. I don't care. Just fucking tell me something."

His jaw tightens.

"Just don't make me stand here and pretend there isn't something that you can say out loud because saying something makes you uncomfortable."

"I'm not good at this."

I laugh once, but there is nothing funny in it.

"You don't think I know that. I'm not asking you to make it perfect."

His eyes lift to mine.

"I know you're not good at this, Sam. I've known that almost the entire time I've known you."

"Then why are you..."

"Because I kept thinking you'd get there."

He goes quiet.

The words are out now, and I can't pull them back.

"I kept telling myself you moved slower than I do. That you needed time. That if I didn't push, eventually you'd come to me when you were ready."

My eyes burn.

I refuse to blink long enough for it to become anything.

"I saw a glimmer of it at the fundraiser."

His head lifts.

"You claimed me in front of the entire room. That was the first time you ever did that in front of anyone."

I remember his hand at my waist. His mouth against mine. Everyone watching.

I tried to stay over there. I couldn't.

"I didn't ask you to do that," I say. "You just did it."

"Autumn..."

"And that meant something to me."

His mouth parts, and the distance between us narrows enough that I think I have reached him.

So I keep going.

"I watch you downstairs every night. You remember everybody. You take care of everybody. You know what Bex needs before she asks. You know when Marisol's tired. You know which regular is going to need a cab before he knows it himself."

"That's my job."